Sharing the Truth

Jenny and I are traveling.  We landed in Vancouver this morning, or afternoon, depending on which time zone one referenced.  We got up a 0345 to catch a 0601 flight.  We are touring the Canadian Rockies.  To get to the first hotel, we were provided with a chauffeur driving an Escalade.  His name was “Joe” and he was from Uganda.

We talked with Joe all the way to the hotel.  He asked me to guess where he was from I guessed Africa but got the wrong country.  He was intrigued with the number of countries I had been to in Africa and asked why.  I told him I worked with pastors equipping them to study the Word.  He noted that he appreciated anyone that worked at helping other humans – an interesting way to put that.

He was also intrigued with Jenny’s Alabama accent.  He thought she would be an effective public speaker – which, in fact, she is.

About 15 minutes into the conversation I asked him where he was in his spiritual journey.  He responded that it was a complicated question.  I agreed.  We then talked about different aspects of his journey and he asked some really good questions, for one of which I did not have a really good answer.

While we had a great time with Joe, I did not get to the issue and ask enough directly if he knew for certain what would happen with him when he died.  Before I could get to that we were at the hotel.  I failed to get to the meat, but perhaps gave him some things to think about.  I should have given him one of my cards so we could contact one another.  I will chalk that oversight up to fatigue, but I should have done better.

The point in sharing this is at least two fold.  

First it isn’t hard to get people talking about themselves.  I have had similar conversations with multiple Uber drivers during my treks to MD Anderson.  They will share something that they are struggling with, and I will ask them how they are dealing with that trauma, looking for a way to steer the conversation to the gospel.  I have found that almost always they are willing to talk about struggles.

Second, I do not always do this right.  I didn’t get to the gospel with Joe, and I haven’t gotten there with many of the Uber drivers.  I got closer with Joe, using the question about his spiritual journey, but I did not get where I was trying to go.

When we begin to talk with someone, it seems to me that there should be a pull to share the gospel with them.  Jude 22–23 (NASB95) says, “And have mercy on some, who are doubting; save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.”  Each time we get into a conversation with a stranger, we can apply this passage.  However, it is reality that we may not always get there.  We should be in prayer about doing this before, when, and after.

I am writing this to me as much as I am to you.

Healing?

Have you ever read anything in the Bible and thought, “I wish He would do that for me”?  I have.  

Look at Psalm 103:3 – 5 (here at Bible Gateway), He:

1. Pardons all my iniquities, 
2. Heals all my diseases; 
3. Redeems my life from the pit, 
4. Crowns me with lovingkindness and compassion; 
5. Satisfies my years with good things, So that my youth is renewed like the eagle. 

Last time I read that, I was recovering from Covid, was facing the last two maintenance rounds of chemo.  One of my pastors said you have four things that have a side effect of fatigue, cancer, chemo, covid, and Cunningham…  He thought that was really funny…

When I read this, my response is, “Lord can you do this for me?  Will you?”  It is without question that He can.  

However, I have reacted to the way “healers” demand healing that has made me think or has given me a mindset that makes me hesitant to ask Him or believe that He would heal me.

The cancer I have is incurable, but He can cure it.  Will He?  He can cure all of the ailments I have.  He can cure all of the ailments that my love ones have either faced or are dealing with now.  He can, but, will He?

The pull is to look for the right words or behavior that will get His attention.  But that overlooks Psalm 139 (here at Bible Gateway) and Ephesians 2:10 (here at Bible Gateway), does it not?

So, how does one approach this?  Is it not to trust Him with whatever He choses to do?  Knowing and trusting that what He chooses is best.  Isn’t that what Paul does in 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (here at Bible Gateway)?

Slow Learner

Since last September some men I have known for about 40 years, and I have been studying 1 Corinthians.  We meet each week online and compare notes.  It is a good time.  There is no pretense.  In the early part of last October, during my quiet time I was reflecting on part of 1 Corinthians 13.  Specifically, verses 5 and 7 (here @ BibleGateway).

The notion that love, “does not seek it’s own,” caught my attention.  It made me think of Philippians 2:3 (here @ BibleGateway).  The idea that we are to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than” ourselves, seemed to echo Paul’s thought in 1 Corinthians.  

That thought – the “nothing” – took me to Philippians 4:6 – 7 (here @ BibleGateway), we are to “be anxious for nothing”.

As I pondered these three passages, I concluded that these instructions are impossible for me to do.  I am not sure I have ever had an unselfish thought, if so, it was probably by mistake, in a moment of weakness.  The truth is that in my own strength I can’t.  Without Christ in me, without His strength, without His enabling grace, and without the leading and transformation of the Holy Spirit – there is no way.

I am grateful that He is patient with the process of moving me in these directions.

Facing the End?

Two days ago I wrote about the email from the LLS that told me that the chemo I was taking rendered the C19 vaccines useless for me.  I mentioned at the end of the post that 8 days later both my wife and I got the virus.  The day we found out we were exposed, My journal had a rather long entry.  Beyond what was in my reading, the Lord took me to the following passages:

• James 4:14 – 15 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Job 7:7a (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 39:5 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 144:4 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Philippians 1:21 (here @ BibleGateway)
• 2 Corinthians 12:5b, 9 – 10 (here @ BibleGateway)

Note that they are all dealing with the brevity of life here.  I will let you work through how you respond to those passages.  I would encourage you to write your responses down somewhere you can remember and easily retrieve.  If you are up to it, share with me what the Lord showed you through those passages.

All that we had heard about the virus indicated that I was in the high-risk category.  The combination of cancer and chemo, with the result of a significantly compromised immune system, suggested that if I got the virus the outcome would not be that great.  “Coincidentally” I had intravenous immunoglobulin g the day before my wife tested positive.  That infusion takes about 5 – 6 hours and its purpose is to boost my immune system, to give me some resistance to bacteria and viruses.  After we tested positive, both of us got the monoclonal antibody infusion the next day.  

It was overwhelming how the Lord took care of us.  I only had one day where I felt really bad.  The day I go the monoclonal infusion.  They warned me that might be the case.  

Our Lord is gracious and good.

Up From Low Points

On the morning of September 22, I got an email from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS).  I have watched educational programs on line with LLS and with the International Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia Foundation (IWMF) to learn more about WM which is the Lymphoma I have.

My wife and I got the C19 vaccine as soon as we could, in January and February of 2021, Modera.  I got the booster in August.  The email told me that because I had been getting Rituxan as part of my chemo since May of 2020 that the vaccines would have zero effect on me.  The Rituxan kept my immune system from creating antibodies.  That was the first time I was really down about having the cancer.  It was frustrating.  I knew my immune system was trashed, that was one of the “benefits” of the cancer and the chemo.  But, we were told to get the vaccinations if perhaps they would give some protection.  Now, I had news that it didn’t.  

Another “benefit” of both WM and the treatment was fatigue.  My capacity was greatly diminished.  The Wednesday morning I got the email I had gone to bed about 11:30 Tuesday night and had overslept and woke up at 11:37 that morning.  In my journal I noted that I had only had 4 meetings Tuesday, 5 counting a doctor’s appointment.  Two were zoom, two Bible studies back-to-back, a face-to-face meeting with one of the pastors at our church, and a coffee with one of the small group leaders I serve.  That little bit of effort wiped me out.  

I had been asking for prayer from anyone who asked based on 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 that I would be well content and that His power would be perfected in my weakness.  So far…  I began to catalog all that I had lost, grieving, if you will:

• Strength
• Capacity
• Ability to work out
• Being around people
• Travel to help pastors in:
• Togo
• Morocco
• Cameron 
• Ethiopia 
• There was more…

Then I turned to the Word. Psalm 73:25 – 28 (here @ BibleGateway) was on my reading list for the day.  As He has time and time again He brought what I needed before my eyes just when I needed it.  You can read what I read.  What I wrote in my journal was, 

“The thing here is that as my flesh and strength fail, as they are, God is the, literal, rock of my heart.  The LXX (the Greek OT) has ‘The God of my heart’.  The sense would be that He is all I need, the foundation.  The implications of this seem to be that it is He that keeps me going.  He is the foundation – also that prayer becomes that more important.  I can’t travel, I can’t meet, but the Spirit is engaged.”

If and when you are down.  Turn to Him and His Word.

Epilog: Eight days later both my wife and I had Covid.

Growth by Praying for Others

I often ask others how I can be praying for them.  There is also another question I ask; I wrote about that here.  

A few weeks back, I asked a man for whom I have a lot of respect, how I could be praying for him.  He replied that he was anxious.  Later as I pondered his request – I want to be clear he had reason to be anxious – it occurred to me that when we are anxious, it is evidence of, possibly several deficiencies in our understanding and/or our relationship with Him.

We all may have Philippians 4:6 – 7 (here @ BibleGateway) memorized, but that doesn’t mean that we find it easy to live that out.  We still get anxious about “nothing.”  Psalm 139:3 (here @ BibleGateway) reminds us that God has scrutinized our path*.  That word means that He has examined our path beyond how a civil engineer examines the aggregate used to mix the concrete in our roads.  So in a real sense when we are anxious we are not trusting Him.

Nothing comes our way without Him knowing.  Nothing comes our way without intention.  Personally, I need to be continually reminded of that truth.  By asking my friend how I could pray for him, I was reminded and challenged in my own trust of God’s scrutiny of my own life’s path.  

Yet another example of the genius of the Lord’s commands to us.  We are to love one another, and pray for one another in so doing we are exhorted, challenged, and built up not only in our relationships with one another but also in our walk with Him.

*I have written a lot on this Psalm in this blog, there are several posts if you would like to see them type Psalm 139 in the “Search This Blog” tool at the top of the column next to this post.  Then I would suggest sort by date.

Self Hardening?

During my time with the Lord, I start in the Word with the days reading from M’Cheyne’s Calendar for Daily Bible Reading.  In the past several months I have added the proverb of the day.  There are days that it doesn’t end there.  It seems like the Lord leads me on a journey through a topic or an idea.

One time, a few months ago, that started with Psalm 38:15a (here @ BibleGateway), “For, I hope in You, O Lord…”  The thought I wrote in my journal was, “I should not hope in anything else but You.  No salary, no person, no project, only you.”  Then there are a series of passages that follow:

• Psalm 39:4 15, 7 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 78:39 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 144:4 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Job 14:2 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 62:9 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Ecclesiastes 6:12 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Proverbs 1:28 – 33 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Hebrews 12:7 – 11 (here @ BibleGateway)

At the time I was in contact with an acquaintance that was also dealing with cancer.  They had just told me that their cancer was in remission.  I wrote: “I will never, as things stand now, hear those words this side of heaven.  Lord, I have no idea how much longer you have ordained for me to be here.  On the one hand, Philippians 1:21 (here @ BibleGateway), on the other hand, ten grandchildren with whom I wish to fully engage, Lord, please make me content with you and with what you have given me.”

Focusing on the last two passages it occurred to me that all the previous passages were context for those last two.  There are those in the body that refuse to engage, to listen to His Word, refuse to abide in His Word.  It is if they neglect or ignore the exhortation to abide, they neglect His counsel, do not want His reproof, hate knowledge, do not fear God.  It is as if they are choosing the passing pleasures of sin over following God.  That brought another passage to mind, James 4:17 (here @ BibleGateway).

To not accept His counsel, to spurn His reproof, would seem to have the effect that they eat the fruit of their own way.  Is this, could this be, the same as hardening one’s own heart?

With Us

You probably have Matthew 28:18 – 20 (here @ BibleGateway) memorized.  There is much in there to consider; but focus for a moment on the last part of 20 (here @ BibleGateway), in the NASB, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  In the Greek literally it says, “and behold I with you I am all the days until the end of the age.”

I especially like the literal because of the emphasis on the day-by-day presence of the Lord.  The “always” is vague and macro.  Whereas “all the days” is each and every day and reinforces His presence continually.  This is not the first and only place that we encounter the personal commitment of the Lord to be with us.  Look at Deuteronomy 31:6, 8 (here @ BibleGateway), Joshua 1:5 (here @ BibleGateway), and Hebrews 13:5 (here @ BibleGateway).

The notion that the Lord is continually with me, day by day, is incredibly encouraging to me.  In the midst of any trial in which we are facing, we are not alone.  He is with us.  It is the same idea we see in Psalm 23:4 (here @ BibleGateway).  In all we experience, think of it, the Lord, the one who emptied Himself, came as a baby, lived, died on a cross, was buried, rose again, ate with the 11, and ascended to the right hand of the Father where He continually intercedes for us, is with us continually.

Lessons – Appendix

Thinking about the last post it was obvious that one lesson was omitted.  It was one of the first lessons to which the Lord led.  It is an extension or corollary to this post I wrote back in February last year.  

I do not remember how, or why I was reading Philemon (here @ BibleGateway) in May; it was not in my reading program in that month.  Regardless I started reading Philemon soon after I found out I was going to start treatment and before my first infusion.

I did not get far.

I was stopped short at the sixth word of Philemon 1.  It reads. “Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus…”  Wait!  Paul is in a Roman prison; chained to a Roman guard; incarcerated under Roman law; yet he describes himself as a prisoner of Christ?  What the fat is that about?

Stunned I stopped to pray and think.  Slowly (emphasis on that word) what was going on began to glacially dawn.  Paul viewed his current “situation” as his assignment from his Lord.  He literally was chained to his “captive” audience.  This is validated in Philippians 1:12 – 13 (here @ BibleGateway), the whole praetorian guard, whole, all, had heard from Paul as well as everyone, again an inclusive, expansive word, had heard as well.  

It was his ministry assignment.  It was the fulfillment of Jesus’ message to Paul in Acts 23:11 (here @ BibleGateway).  Acts 28:16 (here @ BibleGateway) gives the context for Paul’s comment in Philemon 1 (here @ BibleGateway) and Philippians 1:12 – 13 (here @ BibleGateway).

So, I pondered what were the implications for me as I faced the next 20 months being seated for four days every 21 days for multiple hours in the midst of people whom I did not know?  A question formed, “What would it be like to be a cancer patient of Christ Jesus”.

As I considered this.  A plan formed.  I would ask those that were to be taking care of me how I might be praying for them while I was bound to the chemo chair.  I would also ask the doctors.  So at the next appointment I asked, it was when I was getting prepped to get my port.  I asked the nurse who was working on me how I could be praying for her.  As I recall she looked at me as if I was from another planet and had no response.  Ok.  I’ll keep trying.  So, the next nurse, and the next, and the next doctor.  

Some reacted like the first nurse or said they could not think of anything.  But, many more, most in fact, while surprised, were grateful.  I would write the requests down, pray over them, and then ask about them next time I saw the person that gave me the prayer request.  It became known that I was doing that.  Some began to share requests with me without my asking.  It became a way for me to thank and in a real way serve those who were serving me.

The lesson, at least for me, is that when we are in a circumstance where our situation is the focus, it is unexpected that the needs of those who are tasked to help us or serve us are not necessarily considered.  If I understand the way Christ ministered to people, He was always thinking about the needs of those around Him, even as he hung on the cross.  

I hesitated to share this and at the same time I was eager to share it.  I do not want to present as one who has all of this stuff figured out.  There were times when the meds just knocked me out, there were times when I forgot to ask.  Only one of the doctors responded positively, and that changed our relationship for the better. 

I share this as a possible encouragement, as an implication of the reality of God’s sovereign intention in all that he brings into our life.  If He meant what He said in Matthew 6:33 (here @ BibleGateway); I assume He did.  Perhaps regarding all the “circumstances” we find ourselves as Paul did his imprisonment in Rome, may be one way to follow him.  You may ask, “How can I be an engineer of Christ Jesus?”  “How can I be a teacher of Christ Jesus?”  “How can I be a football player of Christ Jesus?” etc.

Lessons – Part 2

Yesterday I shared some of what the last 20 months has been for Jenny and me.  I shared that I had been processing, thinking through, some of the lessons or things that the Lord has been attempting to teach me through this process.  Today I am going to outline what I have come up with thus far.  Some of these I will expand further in subsequent posts.  Others – well I don’t know how the Lord is going to lead on this…

1. Most of us know John 15:5 (here @ BibleGateway). It is a repetition, or perhaps better, an implication of John 1:3 (here @ BibleGateway). It has been reinforced in the past 20 months that I can do nothing, zero, zilch, nada apart from Christ. I am completely and utterly dependent on Him.
   
   
2. I have been active all my life. I ran until my knees went south, started swimming after that, then started riding a bike when it became difficult to find a pool early in the morning. Through chemo I worked out fairly consistently 3 times a week. It helped mitigate some of the side effects. However, the truth of 1 Timothy 4:7 – 8 (here @ BibleGateway) is inescapable. My physical fitness, regardless of how much effort I put into it, is temporary. It takes very little to move me from fit to completely dependent on others for my well-being.
   
   
3. I DON’T have this. Many would respond to my posts on caring bridge with something like, “You have this!” They were intending to be encouraging, and to an extent it was. However, I did not have it. I was dependent on doctors, nurses, and my family. My wife had her knee replaced 5 days ago, she is completely dependent on me at the moment. This may be a subset of number 1 above, but it is in my nature to try to work through all the challenges I face on my own strength. It does not work out well.
   
   
4. I do not know how to walk in the Spirit. I recognize that I am supposed to do that. But I am sure that I do not have a firm grasp on what that looks like. It is easy to commit to do so. It is really easy to write it in one’s journal. It seems difficult to actually do.
   
   
5. A corollary, perhaps, to the last one, I do not know what it means to wait on the Lord. Doing so, according to Isaiah 40:29 – 31 (here @ BibleGateway), gives strength. Again, easy to observe and record in a journal or Bible study. Not so easy to live.
   
   
6. I do not know how to pass on my passion for God’s Word to other people. I learned as an instructor pilot that I could not fly the plane for my students. I learned in teaching mountain climbing to others, that I cannot climb for them. I cannot love God’s Word for others either. It is frustrating.
   
   
7. I know that unless the Lord sends me somewhere, or directs me to engage in some action, I am not effective or in any way fruitful in that endeavor.
   
   
8. I have seen and had it validated over and over that just because a well known and respected Christian leader has said or written on a subject, it does not mean that what he has written is either true or correct in its declarations or conclusions. Regardless of my respect for that individual it is incumbent on me to validate his positions Biblically.
   
   
9. Most of my life I have been strong and energetic. I have lived life in that way. In this season I am tired and weak. It is encouraging to read 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (here @ BibleGateway).    Again, hard to live.

That is most of what I have considered in the past weeks.  The implications of 6 and 8 have taken a lot of space in my thinking over the past several days.  Going forward I will expand on some of these from time to time.  If you have thoughts or there is something above that really resonates, comment below or if you want to shoot me an email, feel free.  If you want to send an email and do not have mine, ask.

Lessons

In April of 2020 I had my routine PT scan done here in Tulsa instead of MD Anderson in Houston.  The pandemic has just reared it’s ugly head so I could not travel to Houston.  That was a Monday.  On Friday I was riding my bike and got a flat.  For some reason I could not get my pump to work.  So, my son picked me up and took me back to my car.  As I was putting my bike on the bike rack, the phone rang.

The screen said MD Anderson.  That got my attention.  It was my oncologist.  She told me that the PT scan showed that the lymph node with which she was concerned had grown to the point that if we did not start treatment, other organs would be impacted.

Three days later, Monday, I had a port surgically implanted in the upper part of my right chest.  The next day, I had a Echo Cardiogram.  Eight days later, they drilled a hole into my pelvis to check to see how my bone marrow was involved with the cancer.  Two days later, I had a lung function test.  All this was to determine if I was healthy enough to start the chemotherapy.  I was.

On May 12 and 13 I started round one of chemotherapy.  That was a three-week process that involved infusions on Tuesday and Wednesday for the first two weeks, with the third week off.  There were six of those rounds.  That was followed by eight maintenance rounds eight weeks apart.  Those rounds were Tuesday and Wednesday one week.  

Additionally, because the chemo trashed my immune system, I begin getting Immunoglobin G intravenously every three weeks starting in April of 21.  Each of these treatments, the chemo and the IVIG included steroids.  I did not know about steroid crashes.  I do now.

The result of all this treatment has been good as far as the cancer is concerned.  What I have is not curable but responds to treatment that should allow me a 2 – 5-year break.  Oh, I finished the last chemo treatment on December 15th.  One of the side effects is that for about 5 days or so after each two-day treatment it is hard to think, read, study, anything mental.  That is one of the reasons contributions to the blog have been rather sparse since May 2020.  

From scripture, specifically Psalm 139:3 (here @ Bible Gateway), I am convinced that the Lord does not bring things like this into our lives randomly.  Rather, there is intention in all that he does, including cancer.  In 1 Thessalonians 5:16 – 18 (here @ Bible Gateway), Paul reminds us that we are to rejoice, pray, and give thanks for everything.  He repeats this admonition in less words in Philippians 4:6 – 7 (here @ Bible Gateway).

This has been something that I have struggled with since one of my daughters-in-law came down with cancer while pregnant.  She was struggling with the same issue.  But both of us realized the text is clear.  We are to be thankful for everything.

In the past few days, I have been reflecting on the past 20 months.  What has the Lord shown me?  What are some of the lessons I have learned?  My intention was to start sharing those thoughts in this post, but it has taken much longer than I anticipated to share the context.  So I will start that process tomorrow.

Gifts

We all like getting or giving gifts.  My wife and I have 9 grandchildren with the 10th on the way.  At Christmas, the area around our tree is covered with gifts for them.  It is fun to watch their excitement as they open them.

We read in scripture that God’s gifts are perfect, James 1:17 (here @ Bible Gateway).  In Matthew 7:11 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Luke 11:13 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are reminded that the Father gives good gifts to His children.

In Philippians 4:6 – 7 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are told to not be anxious but rather ask with thanksgiving for what we want.  In Hebrews 12:9 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway) we see the same parallel that we saw in Matthew and Luke above, what the earthly father does compared and contrasted with what our heavenly Father does.  Our heavenly Father works in our lives to cause us to share His holiness.

In Romans 5:1 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are challenged to exalt in our tribulations, knowing that navigating those positively impacts our character and dependence on Him.

There are more passages that come to mind chief among them Psalm 139:3 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Psalm 119: 67, 71, 75, 107 (here @ Bible Gateway).

When we put all this together, perhaps a slightly different view of His gifts emerges.  Nothing comes into our lives without His direction and purpose.  He is intentional in developing us for the work He has for us.  So illness, financial challenges, family challenges, all that we encounter, all of life’s experiences He uses to shape us.  

We pray for healing from illness, for easing of the financial or family challenges, do we make those requests with thanksgiving?  I was challenged praying for one who was close to us for healing from cancer.  I was confronted with the challenge of being thankful for the cancer.  Was that really what the Lord was asking?  As I processed that with the individual, they were struggling with the same issue.

Paul penned much of what we read in the New Testament.  He gives help from his own life on this issue in 2 Corinthians 10:7 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway).  He prayed for relief but came to the realization that the weakness made him dependent on Christ.  He then boasted about his weakness, embracing the power of Christ.

Our family has had lots of “gifts” in the past 4 years.  Personally, I have not consistently thanked the Lord for those struggles.  I have not always exalted in them.  I continue to struggle with what it means and how to live through the power of Christ.  However, I am slowly learning how to be well content with weakness, distress, and difficulties.

Is Jesus Enough?

Learning to deal with the reality that my capacity has been greatly limited, at least for the next several months, has surfaced several issues that I have needed to process.

In the past 13 years the Lord has given me the opportunity to serve believers in 11 countries on 4 continents.  It has been a privilege.  He has given men and women in those places tools to understand the Bible in ways they have not done before.  He has refined the process and the message.  The material has been translated into four languages.  He has given me lasting relationships with significant people.  I have been asked back to most of the places He has allowed me to serve.

I was scheduled to leave this Friday for the second trip to a sub Saharan country.  The treatment canceled that trip along with a three-week vacation to South Africa and a large game reserve in eastern Africa in July.

While I still meet with three Bible studies and our small group at church online, and talk to men on the phone, I have not been able to meet with anyone in person since the middle of March.

As I was praying about this a sentence in a devotional I use from time to time stood out:

Thy goodness has been with me during another year, leading me through a twisting wilderness, in retreat helping me to advance, when beaten back making sure headway. (The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions, page 204)

Reflecting on that sentence, I wrote in my journal, “This describes well my life, Lord please – don’t shunt me aside…”  As I wrote that down it became clear that I valued serving Christ more than Him.  It was a clear rebuke.  Two passages came to mind, Luke 10:18 – 20 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Luke 10:38 – 42 (here @ Bible Gateway).  The question for which I do not have a good answer yet is, “If all I have is my relationship with Jesus, is that enough?  Is He enough?

I know what the answer should be…

Long Lead Items

I am learning to deal with the effects of the chemo – not very well, yet – thus, the blog is sporadic.  Please pray Ephesians 5:15 – 16 (here @ Bible Gateway) for me.

I worked, while in seminary, and for a time afterwards, in project controls, or management, or scheduling – a combination of all the above.  There were several different types of projects from significant infrastructure projects, to large automated warehouses, to technical development of software.  While all of the projects were different, they all had similar pieces that had to be tracked and managed.

One of the more impactful items in any of those projects were “long lead items”.  These are critical materials or functions that require a significant amount of time to either produce or acquire.  They vary from project to project, but their delay of one day, will delay the project by one day, they are that critical.

In the past several years, it seems like the Lord has identified several “long lead items” in my life.  Things I need that seem to be taking an inordinate amount of time to appropriate into my life.

As we were starting to put together this ministry from scratch, the thing that I kept hearing from the Lord was, “Trust me.”  When I prayed about any issue, whether financial, spiritual, opportunities to serve – whatever, the answer was always the same, “Trust me”.  I found that was easy to write in my journal.  To acknowledge as a direction from the Lord.  It was and is a whole lot harder to actually live.

Shortly thereafter, and currently, there has been another message that is similar.  Isaiah 40:31 (here @ Bible Gateway) tells me that if I wait on Him, He will give me strength.  Paul, echoes this in 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway).  There he reminds me that Christ’s power is perfected in weakness.  So the message was I needed to rest in Him and live and serve out of His strength.  I have no idea.  Again, easy to record in the journal.  I can make observations about the text, even delve into the Greek or Hebrew – but to live it?  I struggle.

This morning the Lord took me on an extended journey through several passages on prayer.  Some of that I will possibly share in a later post.  But the “long lead item” that stood out for me this morning was the admonition in Ephesians 6:18 (here @ Bible Gateway) to “pray at all times in the Spirit.”  Confession, I do not think I know how to pray at anytime in the Spirit.  I pray.  I cling hard to Romans 8:26 – 27 (here @ Bible Gateway).  I do not know what else to do.  From where I am now in this journey, it seems I am completely dependent on His lavish grace to do any of this.  Which aligns very well with what I read in John 15:5 (here @ Bible Gateway).

There seems to be a lot in this journey with which I struggle.  A lot that I seem to understand but do not apply very well.  It is more than amazing that in spite of all that floundering, He loves me, died for me, and is working to perfect me, even when I can’t manage the “long lead items.”

Out of Touch

Ever feel abandoned by God?  Ever feel like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling?  You are not alone.  Read Psalm 10:1 (here @ Bible Gateway).

In reaction to this verse I jotted down several passages, Jeremiah 23:23 – 24 (here @ Bible Gateway), Psalm 139:7 (here @ Bible Gateway), and Hebrews 11:6 (here @ Bible Gateway).

This is the dilemma, on the one hand it seems, as the psalmist says, God is nowhere to be found in times of distress or trouble.  On the other hand, He permeates the universe and beyond.  I cannot, we cannot, escape Him and cannot hide from Him.  So what is the deal with the feeling of abandonment?

It may be that it is the Lord’s desire that we learn to trust Him in the midst of the silence.  That we rest in Him when He seems far off.

How?

How do I rest in Him, trust Him, when it seems as if He is not there?  Here the psalmist prays.  He shares with the Lord through prayer the feeling of abandonment.  He codifies and shares with the Lord his doubts and fears.  Perhaps Psalm 73:17 (here @ Bible Gateway) is a partial guide.

It seems that an approach might be:

1. Pray
1. Acknowledge the problem.  Tell God how you feel – all areas, frustrated, angry, hurt, etc.
2. Ask why
2. Remember what the Word says - Here is where passages that we have covered, or the Psalms may be of great benefit
3. Review what He has done for you - Here is where a journal will be of benefit.

There are probably other approaches that will help.  These seem to be what is suggested by the passages we covered.

Let me know what you have found.

Benefit or Not

Jeremiah 23 (here @ Bible Gateway) is a chapter to which I have referred a lot in this blog, 23 different posts.  There are a couple of other passages I have referenced more often, but this one is important.

Note Jeremiah 23:32 (here @ Bible Gateway).  Look at what the Lord is against:
Those who prophesy false dreams – you could read prophesy proclaim or preach
Those who lead people astray with those false dreams
Those who boast recklessly

The phrase that floors me is that these people, who are not sent by God, do not furnish the slightest benefit too the people.

In contrast, verse 28 (here @ Bible Gateway) states that the leader should be sharing the Word of God with those in his charge.

The benefit of what we share with our family or those whom the Lord has put in our orbit to help is not our ideas or thoughts, like the false dreams of the prophets, that does not provide the slightest benefit.  What does have benefit is the Word of God.  The onus seems to be on me to engage, abide in the Word to the extent that it is natural to share what I have seen to my family or others I have been given the privilege to help.

That may seem obvious.  However, I have witnessed and experienced Christian meetings and seminars in which there was little or no Bible content.  If I am reading Jeremiah 23:32 (here @ Bible Gateway) correctly, those meetings and seminars did not have the slightest benefit.

Personally, I want to make a difference.  It seems to be what the Lord wants of me.  If I want to do so, it seems clear that I must saturate myself, John calls it abide, in God’s Word.

Burning Fire

Jeremiah 20:9 (here @ Bible Gateway) is a passage that both challenges and encourages me.  It also seems to provide a metric of sorts for us.

The context is telling.  Jeremiah has been sharing the Word that the Lord has given him.  The result, in the immediate context, he is beaten and put in the stocks.  Throughout the book when Jeremiah shares the Word of God he is rejected, beaten, imprisoned, or worse.

Regardless of the result, Jeremiah cannot contain himself, he has to share the Word the Lord has given him.

That is a challenge.  Do I have such a love, reference, and heart for God that I am unable to refrain from sharing what I have learned from Him?  A better question may be, am I learning anything?

In no way would I suggest that I have the attitude that Jeremiah had.  There are times though that as a result of my time in the Word there are things that I want to share; actually, must share.

I wonder if that is the measure of abiding?  We spend time with the Lord in His Word to the point where we can’t wait to share with someone what we saw in our time with Him in His Word.  If that is the case, think of how the command to build one another up might be impacted.

Remember

As we near the end of this year there is another discipline in which we should engage.  Look at Ephesians 2:11 – 12 (here @ Bible Gateway).  Note that the word “remember” is repeated in both verses.  Repetition is one of the literary devices that gives us a clue as to what is important.

It is important that we remember, review, what God has done in our lives.  We tend to forget and forget quickly.  If you have read the Old Testament, you will know that is not a unique or recent problem for those who follow the Lord.

For instance, consider Joshua 24:1 – 13 (here @ Bible Gateway).  Here Joshua reminds Israel what the Lord has done for them.  But then look at Judges 2:7, 10 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway).  In a relatively short time, Israel forgot.  When they forgot, they turned away from God.  That sequence, reminder, remember, forget is repeated over and over not only in Judges but also in 1 and 2 Kings (here @ Bible Gateway) and 1 and 2 Chronicles (here @ Bible Gateway).

It is not a new challenge.

It seems to be something that we need to continually battle.  Other places in this blog I have recommended journaling (in 57 posts, type journal in the search box to the top right of this post or click the tag journal below to see some of those if you wish).  That is a discipline which, if one chooses to engage, helps one to remember what God has done.  In fact, much of this blog begins with a review of my journals.

It does not have to be complicated.  Simply during your quiet time, or some other regular time, jot down the date, record what the Lord is doing.  It may be passages that He has taken you through.  Note those and what you learned.  Or it could be a life event and what you were thinking and learned.  Or it may be a prayer you record.  Some or all.  Do what fits you.

Then on a regular basis, turn back to earlier pages or volumes, and review what the Lord has done.  You will be encouraged.

Spiritual Discipline – Personal Testimony Analysis

Yesterday we looked at two times Paul shared his testimony.  In both cases there were three elements, what he was like before he met Christ, how he met Christ, what he was like after, as a result of meeting Christ.

The content of the testimony is simple.  The means of conversion is the same.  The focus is on Christ as a person, Lord, one whom Paul followed.

There are several things though that are conspicuous by their absence.  Paul does not share either with Agrippa or with the Philippians how or when he was baptized.  Nor does he mention what church, denomination, or system of theology under which he was converted.  Further, there is no mention of the role of the Holy Spirit, the need for him to be baptized in the Spirit, or for him to speak in tongues.  Paul doesn’t refer to any form of confirmation in his testimony, nor does he mention being allowed to join in a communion.

Those things are important to many, they were not important to Paul when he was given an opportunity to share his faith with Agrippa and wrote about the effects of his conversion to the church at Philippi.

The single focus of Paul’s testimony was that he had met and accepted Jesus as his Lord and savior.

That makes it simple for us.  We share what we were like before we met Christ.  Share how we met Christ and that we accepted Him as He is, Lord and savior.  We share how that has affected our life.

Simple.

Spiritual Discipline – Personal Testimony Content

Yesterday we looked at the importance of the personal testimony. We saw that it is more than an evangelistic tool. I suggested that you look at Acts 26 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Philippians 3 (here @ Bible Gateway) to see how Paul shared his testimony. In both instances Paul shares what his life was like before he met Christ. He then shares how he met Christ. Lastly, he shares what is life was like after he chose to follow Christ.

Steps	Acts 26	Philippians 3
Before	He was a Pharisee who was committed to punish Christians to the full extent of the Jewish law including death. He was on his way to Damascus with authority to continue this practice	Paul describes himself as a Hebrew of Hebrews, a Pharisee, a persecutor of the church, blameless as to the la
How	Christ stopped him with a bright light on that road blinding him in the process and telling him what He wanted Paul to do.	Upon meeting Christ all that he thought was gain for him, he now counted as manure.
After	Paul accepted what he was told by Christ. He turned from persecuting the church to spreading the message of the gospel primarily to the Gentiles.	He now focused all of his zeal to know Christ Jesus his Lord. He lived to be found in Christ having Christ’s righteousness. His repeats that his focus is to know Christ. He wants to know the power of His resurrection, the fellowship of His sufferings, and be conformed to His death. Rather than viewing himself as having made is as he did as a Hebrew. He views himself as one who needs to continually strive to know Christ.

Spend some time considering that content.  It is a really excellent model for your or others personal testimony.  What were you like before you met Christ?  How did you meet Him?  What difference, what are you like after you met Him?

There is more to say about this.  There are some significant things missing from Paul’s testimony.  We will look at that more closely tomorrow.