Extending Overwhelming Grace

In about 1995, the company I was working with had a blood drive.  I had never given blood, but I decided, with some prodding by my coworkers, to join the blood drive.  Nearly passed out when I gave that first pint.  

Some time later I was contacted by the Red Cross and informed that I was O negative, CMV negative.  That meant absolutely nothing to me.  They then informed me that not only was I a universal donor but because of the CMV negative – by the way CMV is Cytomegalovirus, it is a highly contagious and most people have it, it can cause problems in babies, more on that in a bit – because I did not have CMV they told me that they would use my blood with burn victims and also divide it into four parts and give it to newborns who were in need of a transfusion.  

So, from that point on I was called by the Red Cross every 60 days to give blood.  After 9/11 I called to see if I could give blood.  The person that answered said they had enough in stock.  I told them that I was O negative, CMV negative.  “When can you come in?” was the response.

When I was diagnosed with Lymphoma that ended my blood donor status.  Up to that point I had given 8 gallons of blood.

I have shared before that when I started treatment for cancer I began to ask those who were taking care of me how I could pray for them.  In August of 2021,  I was given the sixth maintenance round of chemo.  They were two days.  On the second day it is about a six-hour infusion.  On the second day I asked my nurse how I could pray for her.  I knew from previous prayer requests that she was pregnant and had delivered her baby.  She told me that she had contracted CMV just as she had become pregnant from her first child.  He got it in day care – day care is one of the more frequent places CMV is passed on.  She had a C-section at 37 weeks.  CMV when passed on congenitally can cause birth defects.  In this case it did.  Her son could not hear or see and has some brain development issues.  I found myself nearly in tears over this.  I shared about giving blood.

The thing that really got me was that my youngest son and his wife had just had their second child 5 weeks earlier.  Their first child, like my nurse's, had been in day care.  The situation was identical, but my grandson had not contracted CMV and given it to his pregnant mother. 

Romans 12.15 came to mind: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”  This was one of those times that I felt completely helpless.  I hurt for her, and at the same time rejoiced that my son’s wife had been in an identical situation and was spared, our family was spared, that challenge.

As I review this, I know that at some point I will be back in the cancer center getting chemo again.  I – look forward is not quite right – anticipate seeing this nurse again or at least getting an update from one of the other nurses.  I am interested in how she is dealing with this and how the Lord has supported her and her family.  

As believers we are to engage with people that are hurting.  We are to move toward them.  We are to extend the grace that we have been given and love them.  In some cases, like this one, it may mean we hurt with them, weep with them, pray for them.  In others it may mean that we engage in other ways.  The point is Jesus is our model, He engaged with hurting, broken, sinners.  He healed, encouraged, and wept.

So should we. 

Starting Again, the Three Cs

This is another restart of this blog.  For the last 18 months plus, the three Cs, cancer, covid, and church have hindered both my desire and ability to write here.  Adding to the frustration, my website was taken down by the company that was hosting it in the process breaking all the links to documents that were referenced in the over 2,000 posts here.  I will sloooooowly fix this as I figure out where to store the docs that will persist.

My last chemo treatment was December 15, 2021.  Since then, I receive Intravenous Immunoglobulin G (IVIG) every 3 weeks until August 23, 2022, when we switched to every six weeks.  The IVIG boosts my immune system which is compromised by the cancer and the chemo.  The IVIG for the most part keeps me from getting infections.  It now takes about a week to get over.  One of the premeds is a steroid which keeps me awake most of the night of the infusion, and then takes me through a steroid crash 2 or 3 days later.

Covid also played a part in challenging my persistence in writing here.  Because of the cancer, which compromised my immune system, I was essentially in house arrest most of 20 and 21 (note those dates – more on that later).  I got five of the covid shots, and covid twice during that 20-21 period.

Lastly, church.  In October of 2022 the Integrating Pastor (what your church probably calls the executive pastor), Jay Rhodes, who is a Chaplain, Lt Col in the US Army reserve, told me he was likely to be deployed in the early part of 2022, and asked me to take his place while he was on deployment.  I shadowed him from then to March 1, 2022, at which time I stepped into his job.  That entailed supervision of all the staff other than the senior pastor and his assistant.  Additionally, I was added to the speaking rotation I’ve spoken 5 times in the last 18 months (you can listen to my messages here if you want).  Jay came back yesterday so that responsibility has ended.

Though I have been silent here, the last three years have been packed, especially the last 18 months.  I was hired to work 25 hours a week but was averaging about 63 until I was called by Jay from Kuwait in August last year and told to keep it to 4 hours a day.  I have met with the pastor in Morocco each week during that time, have had three other Bible studies on Zoom, on Tuesdays I have been praying with the man I worked with in Cameroon for his ministry, and Jenny and I have been in a small group at the church.

A year ago, I was cleared to travel overseas again.  It dawned on me a few months ago that all that has happened with cancer treatment happened when the world was shut down because of covid.  The reality was I couldn’t travel overseas in 20 and most of 21 if I wanted to.  It wasn’t until around May of this year that the travel restrictions and the tests and quarantines were lifted.

The Lord treated my cancer while the world was shut down.

I am scheduled to go back to Morocco in December.  I am working with my friend in Cameroon to go there after that trip.  I need to get back to Togo.  I have an opportunity to serve in a seminary somewhere in eastern Africa and have a possibility to work with pastors in Mongolia.

Our Lord is good.

Healing?

Have you ever read anything in the Bible and thought, “I wish He would do that for me”?  I have.  

Look at Psalm 103:3 – 5 (here at Bible Gateway), He:

1. Pardons all my iniquities, 
2. Heals all my diseases; 
3. Redeems my life from the pit, 
4. Crowns me with lovingkindness and compassion; 
5. Satisfies my years with good things, So that my youth is renewed like the eagle. 

Last time I read that, I was recovering from Covid, was facing the last two maintenance rounds of chemo.  One of my pastors said you have four things that have a side effect of fatigue, cancer, chemo, covid, and Cunningham…  He thought that was really funny…

When I read this, my response is, “Lord can you do this for me?  Will you?”  It is without question that He can.  

However, I have reacted to the way “healers” demand healing that has made me think or has given me a mindset that makes me hesitant to ask Him or believe that He would heal me.

The cancer I have is incurable, but He can cure it.  Will He?  He can cure all of the ailments I have.  He can cure all of the ailments that my love ones have either faced or are dealing with now.  He can, but, will He?

The pull is to look for the right words or behavior that will get His attention.  But that overlooks Psalm 139 (here at Bible Gateway) and Ephesians 2:10 (here at Bible Gateway), does it not?

So, how does one approach this?  Is it not to trust Him with whatever He choses to do?  Knowing and trusting that what He chooses is best.  Isn’t that what Paul does in 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (here at Bible Gateway)?

Facing the End?

Two days ago I wrote about the email from the LLS that told me that the chemo I was taking rendered the C19 vaccines useless for me.  I mentioned at the end of the post that 8 days later both my wife and I got the virus.  The day we found out we were exposed, My journal had a rather long entry.  Beyond what was in my reading, the Lord took me to the following passages:

• James 4:14 – 15 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Job 7:7a (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 39:5 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 144:4 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Philippians 1:21 (here @ BibleGateway)
• 2 Corinthians 12:5b, 9 – 10 (here @ BibleGateway)

Note that they are all dealing with the brevity of life here.  I will let you work through how you respond to those passages.  I would encourage you to write your responses down somewhere you can remember and easily retrieve.  If you are up to it, share with me what the Lord showed you through those passages.

All that we had heard about the virus indicated that I was in the high-risk category.  The combination of cancer and chemo, with the result of a significantly compromised immune system, suggested that if I got the virus the outcome would not be that great.  “Coincidentally” I had intravenous immunoglobulin g the day before my wife tested positive.  That infusion takes about 5 – 6 hours and its purpose is to boost my immune system, to give me some resistance to bacteria and viruses.  After we tested positive, both of us got the monoclonal antibody infusion the next day.  

It was overwhelming how the Lord took care of us.  I only had one day where I felt really bad.  The day I go the monoclonal infusion.  They warned me that might be the case.  

Our Lord is gracious and good.

Up From Low Points

On the morning of September 22, I got an email from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS).  I have watched educational programs on line with LLS and with the International Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia Foundation (IWMF) to learn more about WM which is the Lymphoma I have.

My wife and I got the C19 vaccine as soon as we could, in January and February of 2021, Modera.  I got the booster in August.  The email told me that because I had been getting Rituxan as part of my chemo since May of 2020 that the vaccines would have zero effect on me.  The Rituxan kept my immune system from creating antibodies.  That was the first time I was really down about having the cancer.  It was frustrating.  I knew my immune system was trashed, that was one of the “benefits” of the cancer and the chemo.  But, we were told to get the vaccinations if perhaps they would give some protection.  Now, I had news that it didn’t.  

Another “benefit” of both WM and the treatment was fatigue.  My capacity was greatly diminished.  The Wednesday morning I got the email I had gone to bed about 11:30 Tuesday night and had overslept and woke up at 11:37 that morning.  In my journal I noted that I had only had 4 meetings Tuesday, 5 counting a doctor’s appointment.  Two were zoom, two Bible studies back-to-back, a face-to-face meeting with one of the pastors at our church, and a coffee with one of the small group leaders I serve.  That little bit of effort wiped me out.  

I had been asking for prayer from anyone who asked based on 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 that I would be well content and that His power would be perfected in my weakness.  So far…  I began to catalog all that I had lost, grieving, if you will:

• Strength
• Capacity
• Ability to work out
• Being around people
• Travel to help pastors in:
• Togo
• Morocco
• Cameron 
• Ethiopia 
• There was more…

Then I turned to the Word. Psalm 73:25 – 28 (here @ BibleGateway) was on my reading list for the day.  As He has time and time again He brought what I needed before my eyes just when I needed it.  You can read what I read.  What I wrote in my journal was, 

“The thing here is that as my flesh and strength fail, as they are, God is the, literal, rock of my heart.  The LXX (the Greek OT) has ‘The God of my heart’.  The sense would be that He is all I need, the foundation.  The implications of this seem to be that it is He that keeps me going.  He is the foundation – also that prayer becomes that more important.  I can’t travel, I can’t meet, but the Spirit is engaged.”

If and when you are down.  Turn to Him and His Word.

Epilog: Eight days later both my wife and I had Covid.

Self Hardening?

During my time with the Lord, I start in the Word with the days reading from M’Cheyne’s Calendar for Daily Bible Reading.  In the past several months I have added the proverb of the day.  There are days that it doesn’t end there.  It seems like the Lord leads me on a journey through a topic or an idea.

One time, a few months ago, that started with Psalm 38:15a (here @ BibleGateway), “For, I hope in You, O Lord…”  The thought I wrote in my journal was, “I should not hope in anything else but You.  No salary, no person, no project, only you.”  Then there are a series of passages that follow:

• Psalm 39:4 15, 7 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 78:39 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 144:4 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Job 14:2 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Psalm 62:9 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Ecclesiastes 6:12 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Proverbs 1:28 – 33 (here @ BibleGateway)
• Hebrews 12:7 – 11 (here @ BibleGateway)

At the time I was in contact with an acquaintance that was also dealing with cancer.  They had just told me that their cancer was in remission.  I wrote: “I will never, as things stand now, hear those words this side of heaven.  Lord, I have no idea how much longer you have ordained for me to be here.  On the one hand, Philippians 1:21 (here @ BibleGateway), on the other hand, ten grandchildren with whom I wish to fully engage, Lord, please make me content with you and with what you have given me.”

Focusing on the last two passages it occurred to me that all the previous passages were context for those last two.  There are those in the body that refuse to engage, to listen to His Word, refuse to abide in His Word.  It is if they neglect or ignore the exhortation to abide, they neglect His counsel, do not want His reproof, hate knowledge, do not fear God.  It is as if they are choosing the passing pleasures of sin over following God.  That brought another passage to mind, James 4:17 (here @ BibleGateway).

To not accept His counsel, to spurn His reproof, would seem to have the effect that they eat the fruit of their own way.  Is this, could this be, the same as hardening one’s own heart?

With Us

You probably have Matthew 28:18 – 20 (here @ BibleGateway) memorized.  There is much in there to consider; but focus for a moment on the last part of 20 (here @ BibleGateway), in the NASB, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  In the Greek literally it says, “and behold I with you I am all the days until the end of the age.”

I especially like the literal because of the emphasis on the day-by-day presence of the Lord.  The “always” is vague and macro.  Whereas “all the days” is each and every day and reinforces His presence continually.  This is not the first and only place that we encounter the personal commitment of the Lord to be with us.  Look at Deuteronomy 31:6, 8 (here @ BibleGateway), Joshua 1:5 (here @ BibleGateway), and Hebrews 13:5 (here @ BibleGateway).

The notion that the Lord is continually with me, day by day, is incredibly encouraging to me.  In the midst of any trial in which we are facing, we are not alone.  He is with us.  It is the same idea we see in Psalm 23:4 (here @ BibleGateway).  In all we experience, think of it, the Lord, the one who emptied Himself, came as a baby, lived, died on a cross, was buried, rose again, ate with the 11, and ascended to the right hand of the Father where He continually intercedes for us, is with us continually.

Lessons – Appendix

Thinking about the last post it was obvious that one lesson was omitted.  It was one of the first lessons to which the Lord led.  It is an extension or corollary to this post I wrote back in February last year.  

I do not remember how, or why I was reading Philemon (here @ BibleGateway) in May; it was not in my reading program in that month.  Regardless I started reading Philemon soon after I found out I was going to start treatment and before my first infusion.

I did not get far.

I was stopped short at the sixth word of Philemon 1.  It reads. “Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus…”  Wait!  Paul is in a Roman prison; chained to a Roman guard; incarcerated under Roman law; yet he describes himself as a prisoner of Christ?  What the fat is that about?

Stunned I stopped to pray and think.  Slowly (emphasis on that word) what was going on began to glacially dawn.  Paul viewed his current “situation” as his assignment from his Lord.  He literally was chained to his “captive” audience.  This is validated in Philippians 1:12 – 13 (here @ BibleGateway), the whole praetorian guard, whole, all, had heard from Paul as well as everyone, again an inclusive, expansive word, had heard as well.  

It was his ministry assignment.  It was the fulfillment of Jesus’ message to Paul in Acts 23:11 (here @ BibleGateway).  Acts 28:16 (here @ BibleGateway) gives the context for Paul’s comment in Philemon 1 (here @ BibleGateway) and Philippians 1:12 – 13 (here @ BibleGateway).

So, I pondered what were the implications for me as I faced the next 20 months being seated for four days every 21 days for multiple hours in the midst of people whom I did not know?  A question formed, “What would it be like to be a cancer patient of Christ Jesus”.

As I considered this.  A plan formed.  I would ask those that were to be taking care of me how I might be praying for them while I was bound to the chemo chair.  I would also ask the doctors.  So at the next appointment I asked, it was when I was getting prepped to get my port.  I asked the nurse who was working on me how I could be praying for her.  As I recall she looked at me as if I was from another planet and had no response.  Ok.  I’ll keep trying.  So, the next nurse, and the next, and the next doctor.  

Some reacted like the first nurse or said they could not think of anything.  But, many more, most in fact, while surprised, were grateful.  I would write the requests down, pray over them, and then ask about them next time I saw the person that gave me the prayer request.  It became known that I was doing that.  Some began to share requests with me without my asking.  It became a way for me to thank and in a real way serve those who were serving me.

The lesson, at least for me, is that when we are in a circumstance where our situation is the focus, it is unexpected that the needs of those who are tasked to help us or serve us are not necessarily considered.  If I understand the way Christ ministered to people, He was always thinking about the needs of those around Him, even as he hung on the cross.  

I hesitated to share this and at the same time I was eager to share it.  I do not want to present as one who has all of this stuff figured out.  There were times when the meds just knocked me out, there were times when I forgot to ask.  Only one of the doctors responded positively, and that changed our relationship for the better. 

I share this as a possible encouragement, as an implication of the reality of God’s sovereign intention in all that he brings into our life.  If He meant what He said in Matthew 6:33 (here @ BibleGateway); I assume He did.  Perhaps regarding all the “circumstances” we find ourselves as Paul did his imprisonment in Rome, may be one way to follow him.  You may ask, “How can I be an engineer of Christ Jesus?”  “How can I be a teacher of Christ Jesus?”  “How can I be a football player of Christ Jesus?” etc.

Lessons – Part 2

Yesterday I shared some of what the last 20 months has been for Jenny and me.  I shared that I had been processing, thinking through, some of the lessons or things that the Lord has been attempting to teach me through this process.  Today I am going to outline what I have come up with thus far.  Some of these I will expand further in subsequent posts.  Others – well I don’t know how the Lord is going to lead on this…

1. Most of us know John 15:5 (here @ BibleGateway). It is a repetition, or perhaps better, an implication of John 1:3 (here @ BibleGateway). It has been reinforced in the past 20 months that I can do nothing, zero, zilch, nada apart from Christ. I am completely and utterly dependent on Him.
   
   
2. I have been active all my life. I ran until my knees went south, started swimming after that, then started riding a bike when it became difficult to find a pool early in the morning. Through chemo I worked out fairly consistently 3 times a week. It helped mitigate some of the side effects. However, the truth of 1 Timothy 4:7 – 8 (here @ BibleGateway) is inescapable. My physical fitness, regardless of how much effort I put into it, is temporary. It takes very little to move me from fit to completely dependent on others for my well-being.
   
   
3. I DON’T have this. Many would respond to my posts on caring bridge with something like, “You have this!” They were intending to be encouraging, and to an extent it was. However, I did not have it. I was dependent on doctors, nurses, and my family. My wife had her knee replaced 5 days ago, she is completely dependent on me at the moment. This may be a subset of number 1 above, but it is in my nature to try to work through all the challenges I face on my own strength. It does not work out well.
   
   
4. I do not know how to walk in the Spirit. I recognize that I am supposed to do that. But I am sure that I do not have a firm grasp on what that looks like. It is easy to commit to do so. It is really easy to write it in one’s journal. It seems difficult to actually do.
   
   
5. A corollary, perhaps, to the last one, I do not know what it means to wait on the Lord. Doing so, according to Isaiah 40:29 – 31 (here @ BibleGateway), gives strength. Again, easy to observe and record in a journal or Bible study. Not so easy to live.
   
   
6. I do not know how to pass on my passion for God’s Word to other people. I learned as an instructor pilot that I could not fly the plane for my students. I learned in teaching mountain climbing to others, that I cannot climb for them. I cannot love God’s Word for others either. It is frustrating.
   
   
7. I know that unless the Lord sends me somewhere, or directs me to engage in some action, I am not effective or in any way fruitful in that endeavor.
   
   
8. I have seen and had it validated over and over that just because a well known and respected Christian leader has said or written on a subject, it does not mean that what he has written is either true or correct in its declarations or conclusions. Regardless of my respect for that individual it is incumbent on me to validate his positions Biblically.
   
   
9. Most of my life I have been strong and energetic. I have lived life in that way. In this season I am tired and weak. It is encouraging to read 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (here @ BibleGateway).    Again, hard to live.

That is most of what I have considered in the past weeks.  The implications of 6 and 8 have taken a lot of space in my thinking over the past several days.  Going forward I will expand on some of these from time to time.  If you have thoughts or there is something above that really resonates, comment below or if you want to shoot me an email, feel free.  If you want to send an email and do not have mine, ask.

Lessons

In April of 2020 I had my routine PT scan done here in Tulsa instead of MD Anderson in Houston.  The pandemic has just reared it’s ugly head so I could not travel to Houston.  That was a Monday.  On Friday I was riding my bike and got a flat.  For some reason I could not get my pump to work.  So, my son picked me up and took me back to my car.  As I was putting my bike on the bike rack, the phone rang.

The screen said MD Anderson.  That got my attention.  It was my oncologist.  She told me that the PT scan showed that the lymph node with which she was concerned had grown to the point that if we did not start treatment, other organs would be impacted.

Three days later, Monday, I had a port surgically implanted in the upper part of my right chest.  The next day, I had a Echo Cardiogram.  Eight days later, they drilled a hole into my pelvis to check to see how my bone marrow was involved with the cancer.  Two days later, I had a lung function test.  All this was to determine if I was healthy enough to start the chemotherapy.  I was.

On May 12 and 13 I started round one of chemotherapy.  That was a three-week process that involved infusions on Tuesday and Wednesday for the first two weeks, with the third week off.  There were six of those rounds.  That was followed by eight maintenance rounds eight weeks apart.  Those rounds were Tuesday and Wednesday one week.  

Additionally, because the chemo trashed my immune system, I begin getting Immunoglobin G intravenously every three weeks starting in April of 21.  Each of these treatments, the chemo and the IVIG included steroids.  I did not know about steroid crashes.  I do now.

The result of all this treatment has been good as far as the cancer is concerned.  What I have is not curable but responds to treatment that should allow me a 2 – 5-year break.  Oh, I finished the last chemo treatment on December 15th.  One of the side effects is that for about 5 days or so after each two-day treatment it is hard to think, read, study, anything mental.  That is one of the reasons contributions to the blog have been rather sparse since May 2020.  

From scripture, specifically Psalm 139:3 (here @ Bible Gateway), I am convinced that the Lord does not bring things like this into our lives randomly.  Rather, there is intention in all that he does, including cancer.  In 1 Thessalonians 5:16 – 18 (here @ Bible Gateway), Paul reminds us that we are to rejoice, pray, and give thanks for everything.  He repeats this admonition in less words in Philippians 4:6 – 7 (here @ Bible Gateway).

This has been something that I have struggled with since one of my daughters-in-law came down with cancer while pregnant.  She was struggling with the same issue.  But both of us realized the text is clear.  We are to be thankful for everything.

In the past few days, I have been reflecting on the past 20 months.  What has the Lord shown me?  What are some of the lessons I have learned?  My intention was to start sharing those thoughts in this post, but it has taken much longer than I anticipated to share the context.  So I will start that process tomorrow.

Traversing Affliction

This morning I was reading in Exodus.  The chapters assigned were 1 – 2.  Actually, that was the reading last week some time.  But, because of chemo and getting the second Covid vaccine, I was not able to think or read after Tuesday morning, so I am doing some catch up.

I was struck, not for the first time, by Exodus 1:10 – 14 (here @ Bible Gateway).  Some context, for a while now, I have been pondering how or why the Lord is using the past five years and specifically the cancer to equip my wife and me for that which He designed us.  Reading Exodus 1:10 – 14 (here @ Bible Gateway), and thinking about God’s knowledge of our path, Psalm 139:3 (here @ Bible Gateway), it occurs to me that what comes into our lives is intentional, purposeful.  To validate that for yourself, consider Ephesians 2:10 (here @ Bible Gateway), Hebrews 12:4 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway), Romans 5:1 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway), 2 Corinthians 1:3 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway).

Back to Exodus…  We know from the rest of the book that Moses is going to lead the nation out of their bondage to Egypt.  That is not a trivial journey.  The nation is going to have to flee the Egyptian army, cross miles of wilderness, essentially living off the land while carrying everything they can including shelters.  Serious backpacking trip under duress. 

Note what happened prior to Moses showing up.  The Egyptians forgot Joseph.  They began to afflict Israel.  They gave them difficult, physically demanding work.  They “compelled the sons of Israel to labor rigorously”.

Since we see in the Word that the Lord is sovereign, able to control the hearts of kings, Proverbs 21:1 (here @ Bible Gateway); isn’t it reasonable that the Lord used the Egyptian’s fear of Israel and their response to compel them into rigorous labor as preparation for the rigorous journey out of Egypt that was just around the corner for the nation?

So, if we are facing difficult times, perhaps we should be asking the Lord to help us understand it as prep.  We certainly may not, and probably won’t, get an explanation as to the specifics of the reason for the prep.  But, praying or asking in that way will remind us that is the case, it is prep.  

It may be as simple as creating for us a platform from which to encourage and comfort others who are going through similar trials as 2 Corinthians 1:3ff (here @ Bible Gateway) suggests.  It may be to develop our character as Romans 5:1ff (here @ Bible Gateway) and Hebrews 12:4ff (here @ Bible Gateway) declare.  It may be for reasons that we never are able to determine.  It is still prep.

Regardless, whether we understand or not, praying for understanding will remind us not only that He is intentional in what He brings into our lives, but also that we can trust Him through the process.

I do not pretend to suggest that this will make any of the difficulties less difficult.  However, it could more accurately align our focus and faith.

What do you think?

Gifts

We all like getting or giving gifts.  My wife and I have 9 grandchildren with the 10th on the way.  At Christmas, the area around our tree is covered with gifts for them.  It is fun to watch their excitement as they open them.

We read in scripture that God’s gifts are perfect, James 1:17 (here @ Bible Gateway).  In Matthew 7:11 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Luke 11:13 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are reminded that the Father gives good gifts to His children.

In Philippians 4:6 – 7 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are told to not be anxious but rather ask with thanksgiving for what we want.  In Hebrews 12:9 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway) we see the same parallel that we saw in Matthew and Luke above, what the earthly father does compared and contrasted with what our heavenly Father does.  Our heavenly Father works in our lives to cause us to share His holiness.

In Romans 5:1 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are challenged to exalt in our tribulations, knowing that navigating those positively impacts our character and dependence on Him.

There are more passages that come to mind chief among them Psalm 139:3 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Psalm 119: 67, 71, 75, 107 (here @ Bible Gateway).

When we put all this together, perhaps a slightly different view of His gifts emerges.  Nothing comes into our lives without His direction and purpose.  He is intentional in developing us for the work He has for us.  So illness, financial challenges, family challenges, all that we encounter, all of life’s experiences He uses to shape us.  

We pray for healing from illness, for easing of the financial or family challenges, do we make those requests with thanksgiving?  I was challenged praying for one who was close to us for healing from cancer.  I was confronted with the challenge of being thankful for the cancer.  Was that really what the Lord was asking?  As I processed that with the individual, they were struggling with the same issue.

Paul penned much of what we read in the New Testament.  He gives help from his own life on this issue in 2 Corinthians 10:7 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway).  He prayed for relief but came to the realization that the weakness made him dependent on Christ.  He then boasted about his weakness, embracing the power of Christ.

Our family has had lots of “gifts” in the past 4 years.  Personally, I have not consistently thanked the Lord for those struggles.  I have not always exalted in them.  I continue to struggle with what it means and how to live through the power of Christ.  However, I am slowly learning how to be well content with weakness, distress, and difficulties.

Abundant, Overwhelming Grace

On May 12th last year I started chemo for the cancer I have, Waldenstrom Macroglobulinemia.  I had no idea how it was going to impact me.  The first infusion was two days, 3 hours on the 12th and 5 hours on the 13th.  

On the evening of the 13th my diaphragm began to spasm.  It was like having hiccups on steroids, which I had both days.  They calmed down by 10 PM but started back up again at 12:30 the morning of the 14th.  They kept me awake until 5 AM.

In my journal the evening of the 14th I recorded a passage that had really encouraged me, 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway).  I was struck yet again by Paul’s attitude.  He was well content with weakness, with insults, with distress, with persecutions, with difficulties, for it made him dependent on Christ.

As mentioned in my last post part of my Quiet time for the past year or so has been to read and reflect on one of the entries in The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions (VOV).  This is what I read the morning of the 15th.

The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless, but my helm is held steady, thy word secures safe passage, thy grace wafts me on ward, my haven is guaranteed. (VOV, Voyage, page 202 - 203) 

Those words reminded me of what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway).  However, that is not what was the greatest comfort.  I started reading VOV because of a conversation I had with one of the small group leaders in our church.  He mentioned that the men in his group spent some time looking at it and discussing some of the entries.

Out of curiosity, I got a copy and a few weeks later incorporated it into my time with God.  That was months before May 15, 2020.  Yet the timing of this sentence was perfect.  What stunned me, and I should know better by now, was the Lord using an off hand comment by a Christian brother months before, to supply encouragement to me when I was in need.

Psalm 139 (here @ Bible Gateway) tells us that He knows our path in detail, He encloses us behind and before and lays His hand on us.  He knows what I need before I need it and supplies it just in time.

Further, this morning before I started my time with Him, I prayed that He would meet me and in our time together, He would through His Spirit increase my love for Him.  But this morning nothing really stood out in what I read.  As I am writing this, I am overwhelmed with His love and care for me.  He answered the prayer in His own time.

His grace and kindness are overwhelmingly abundant.

Under Obligation

From time to time I read part of a devotional, The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions (VOV), during my personal devotions.  They are short; two pages.  But I tend to break them up into sentences and reflect on the message.  It seems that some of the Puritans thought when Paul commanded that we imitate him, that meant they were to write sentences like he did.  Some of their sentences are looooong.  I break those up.

Yesterday this was the sentence that I wrote out in my journal:

Send me forth to have compassion on the ignorant and miserable.

I was struck by the depth and simplicity of the thought.  Most of the time these excerpts bring to mind verses that support what I read.  This was no exception.  Five passages came to mind.  The first was Romans 1:14 (here @ Bible Gateway).  It is not my favorite verse.  I am ok with all of it but the last three words.  However, I know that I can’t pick and choose what I obey.  I have trouble with foolish people.  I have found that there are a lot of them.  Yet 1:14 (here @ Bible Gateway) tells me that as a believer I am under obligation to share the gospel with them.  The sentence in VOV, echoes Paul.

Then two passages in Ezekiel, 3:18 – 19 (here @ Bible Gateway) and 33:8 – 9 (here @ Bible Gateway).  When you read those you will see that our obligation extends to the wicked as well.  That the passages are virtually identical, indicates emphasis.  We are exhorted emphatically that we are obligated to share the good news with the wicked.

Then Jude 22 – 23 (here @ Bible Gateway) came to mind.  Jude speaks of the urgency of the matter.  We need to view the Greeks, barbarians, wise, foolish, and wicked as inside a burning building and we are the only one that can get them out.  Fun picture.

Lastly, Matthew 28:18 – 20 (here @ Bible Gateway) came to mind.  You have probably hear messages on this passage.  We are told – well the only imperative in the passage is make disciples.  The other verb forms, go, baptize, and teach are all participles.  Participles get their force from the main verb, make disciples, so they take on the imperative mood of make disciples.  The point of this, is that we are expected to make disciples.  The first step in making a disciple is to lead them to Jesus.

It is easy to justify why we are not sharing the gospel.  I have essentially been under house arrest since last March because of my compromised immune system due to the cancer and subsequent chemo.  But, even before that, much of what I have been called to do focuses me on equipping believers in their study of the Word of God.  So in a sense I am insulated from non-believers.  But I don’t find in Scripture any out.  I am still under obligation to our list of Greeks, et al.  I have to use every interaction with another person as an opportunity to share Christ.  To go forth, intentionally, with compassion.  I am not very good about that.

Digging Deeper, Part 2, Finally…

Tomorrow was more like next year…  Sorry, my wife had her right knee replaced and that has taken up a lot of bandwidth over the past weeks as well as two rounds of maintenance chemo for me.

So back to 1 Peter 2:1 – 3 (here @ Bible Gateway).  I mentioned that one of the things that looking at the passage suggested as a good step would be to investigate the usage of the word “tasted”.  Why?  Well, there are several reasons.  The implications of that verb have significant impact on how we understand what Peter is telling us.

Looking at the data, the word γεύομαι (geuomai) that is translated “tasted” in 1 Peter 2:3 (here @ Bible Gateway) shows up 15 times in the New Testament and 13 times in the Septuagint (LXX), the Greek Old Testament excluding the Apocrypha.  Looking at the way the word is used in the New Testament, Peter only uses “tasted” here.  So we do not get any direction from his other usage.  The next closest for us to consider would be other epistles.  We find “tasted” in both Colossians and Hebrews.  In Colossians (2:21) (here @ Bible Gateway) the usage is ambiguous.  It could mean either sample or eat.  In Hebrews we get some better help.  In Hebrews, the writer uses “tasted” three times twice it seems ambiguous (6:4, 5) (here @ Bible Gateway), but in one instance it seems to indicate consumption (2:9) (here @ Bible Gateway).

The other usages of “tasted” are in the gospels and Acts.  There we find clear usage of the term, in Matthew 16:28 (here @ Bible Gateway), Mark 9:1 (here @ Bible Gateway); Luke 9:27 (here @ Bible Gateway); and John 8:52 (here @ Bible Gateway), Jesus uses the phrase “taste death”.  It seems from that usage that it means to experience death, to die.  The implications would seem to be that one who “tastes” has entered into the experience completely.  The other two places the word appears are in Matthew 27:34 (here @ Bible Gateway) and John 2:9 (here @ Bible Gateway).  In both of these it deals with tasting or drinking a liquid.  Again, that is consumption.

The last three instances in the New Testament are in Acts 10:10 (here @ Bible Gateway); 20:11 (here @ Bible Gateway); and 23:14 (here @ Bible Gateway).  In each case the word is used to describe eating food.

In the LXX, our word is exclusively used to describe consuming food and beverages.

While there is more that we could do, do you see the pattern here?  The sense of γεύομαι, taste, is to consume something to take it into your body or to enter into an experience wholly.  

In 1 Peter 2:1 – 3 (here @ Bible Gateway), Peter uses this word in the first part, the if clause, of a conditional statement the structure of which indicates Peter assumes the reader has, in fact, tasted.  The then clause is complex.  It is the first part of the sentence.  It is also in contrast to the kindness of the Lord.  Putting this together, if we have fully consumed and entered into the kindness of the Lord, then we are to put away malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander which things are the polar opposite of kindness.  Then we are to long for the pure milk of the Word.  Note that the word γεύομαι that Peter uses here suggests that we are consuming, tasting that milk.  Consuming, tasting that milk then becomes that which causes our growth in salvation.

In that paragraph we used what we found out about the use of the word γεύομαι and the structure of the sentence that Peter penned to unwrap what he wanted us to know.  There is more there, but that is enough for now.

Hope that makes sense and is helpful. 

Digging Deeper

It has been a while since I posted here.  Reason, chemo.  During the 21 days of the round I get about 4 or 5 days that I can be productive.  The rest of the time I am in a thick fog or just do not have any energy.  However, I have stayed in the Word for the most part.  I want to share some thoughts that I mentioned briefly in the video in the May 12th post here on 1 Peter 2:1 – 2 (here @ Bible Gateway).

This is one of the passages to which Prof always referred when he was talking about the importance of being in the Word for ourselves.

1 Peter 2:1–3 (NASB95) 

1 Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 

2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 

3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. 

Note that those three verses are one sentence.  When we study a passage in the Bible, we tend to follow the versification.  Problem is that the verses many times break up sentences and paragraphs.  Some of the chapter divisions break up the continuation of a thought, the division between 2 Timothy 3 and 4 and the division between 2 Peter 1 and 2 are prime examples.

I have begun to bracket sentences in my study, so I do not break up the intent of the author.  I would recommend that practice.

Consider this passage.  Peter compares what our attitude toward the Word of God should be to the attitude of an infant toward his meal.  If you have the slightest bit of experience with babies, you are aware that when they want something, you know, in no uncertain terms.  The noise is only mitigated when their demands are met.

But, note at the beginning of verse 3 the clause starts with “if”.  “If” is a structural marker.  I have highlighted all of the structural markers in the sentence.  It is not the purpose here to explain how to use all of them if you search this blog for structure you will find more info.  Or if you have questions do not hesitate to ask.  The point here is that 1 Peter 2:1 – 3 (here @ Bible Gateway) among other structural elements is a reversed conditional statement.  That is the if clause is preceded by the then or in this case “therefore” clause which, in fact is also connected to 1:22 -25 (here @ Bible Gateway).  The old fisherman is presenting a fairly complex argument here (and we have found yet another chapter division that breaks up the flow of the argument).

The condition is that we have tasted the kindness of the Lord.  This raises a number of questions.  In what sense is Peter using “tasted” here?  What does he mean by the “kindness of the Lord”?  There can be several answers to this.  These questions should prompt us to do a Word study on how Peter has used these words or concepts in other places.  Then we should investigate how Paul, James, John, Jude, the writer of Hebrews used these concepts, then we should look at the use of these concepts in the Gospels, and finally Revelation.  To be thorough we should then see how the concepts were used in the Septuagint and the Classics and how did the early Church Fathers use these words and concepts.  Kind of sounds like work does it not?  I will do this but I am not going to share all of the detail of the study here.

We will continue to look at this tomorrow.

Is Jesus Enough?

Learning to deal with the reality that my capacity has been greatly limited, at least for the next several months, has surfaced several issues that I have needed to process.

In the past 13 years the Lord has given me the opportunity to serve believers in 11 countries on 4 continents.  It has been a privilege.  He has given men and women in those places tools to understand the Bible in ways they have not done before.  He has refined the process and the message.  The material has been translated into four languages.  He has given me lasting relationships with significant people.  I have been asked back to most of the places He has allowed me to serve.

I was scheduled to leave this Friday for the second trip to a sub Saharan country.  The treatment canceled that trip along with a three-week vacation to South Africa and a large game reserve in eastern Africa in July.

While I still meet with three Bible studies and our small group at church online, and talk to men on the phone, I have not been able to meet with anyone in person since the middle of March.

As I was praying about this a sentence in a devotional I use from time to time stood out:

Thy goodness has been with me during another year, leading me through a twisting wilderness, in retreat helping me to advance, when beaten back making sure headway. (The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions, page 204)

Reflecting on that sentence, I wrote in my journal, “This describes well my life, Lord please – don’t shunt me aside…”  As I wrote that down it became clear that I valued serving Christ more than Him.  It was a clear rebuke.  Two passages came to mind, Luke 10:18 – 20 (here @ Bible Gateway) and Luke 10:38 – 42 (here @ Bible Gateway).  The question for which I do not have a good answer yet is, “If all I have is my relationship with Jesus, is that enough?  Is He enough?

I know what the answer should be…

Long Lead Items

I am learning to deal with the effects of the chemo – not very well, yet – thus, the blog is sporadic.  Please pray Ephesians 5:15 – 16 (here @ Bible Gateway) for me.

I worked, while in seminary, and for a time afterwards, in project controls, or management, or scheduling – a combination of all the above.  There were several different types of projects from significant infrastructure projects, to large automated warehouses, to technical development of software.  While all of the projects were different, they all had similar pieces that had to be tracked and managed.

One of the more impactful items in any of those projects were “long lead items”.  These are critical materials or functions that require a significant amount of time to either produce or acquire.  They vary from project to project, but their delay of one day, will delay the project by one day, they are that critical.

In the past several years, it seems like the Lord has identified several “long lead items” in my life.  Things I need that seem to be taking an inordinate amount of time to appropriate into my life.

As we were starting to put together this ministry from scratch, the thing that I kept hearing from the Lord was, “Trust me.”  When I prayed about any issue, whether financial, spiritual, opportunities to serve – whatever, the answer was always the same, “Trust me”.  I found that was easy to write in my journal.  To acknowledge as a direction from the Lord.  It was and is a whole lot harder to actually live.

Shortly thereafter, and currently, there has been another message that is similar.  Isaiah 40:31 (here @ Bible Gateway) tells me that if I wait on Him, He will give me strength.  Paul, echoes this in 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 (here @ Bible Gateway).  There he reminds me that Christ’s power is perfected in weakness.  So the message was I needed to rest in Him and live and serve out of His strength.  I have no idea.  Again, easy to record in the journal.  I can make observations about the text, even delve into the Greek or Hebrew – but to live it?  I struggle.

This morning the Lord took me on an extended journey through several passages on prayer.  Some of that I will possibly share in a later post.  But the “long lead item” that stood out for me this morning was the admonition in Ephesians 6:18 (here @ Bible Gateway) to “pray at all times in the Spirit.”  Confession, I do not think I know how to pray at anytime in the Spirit.  I pray.  I cling hard to Romans 8:26 – 27 (here @ Bible Gateway).  I do not know what else to do.  From where I am now in this journey, it seems I am completely dependent on His lavish grace to do any of this.  Which aligns very well with what I read in John 15:5 (here @ Bible Gateway).

There seems to be a lot in this journey with which I struggle.  A lot that I seem to understand but do not apply very well.  It is more than amazing that in spite of all that floundering, He loves me, died for me, and is working to perfect me, even when I can’t manage the “long lead items.”

Schedule Changes

I had scheduled for last Thursday to write on a question I am asked in my seminars, “What is the best Bible for me to use.”  It is a great question, for which I have a detailed answer.  However, some things changed Thursday…

That last Monday (4/20) I had a PET scan.  It was supposed to be done in Houston but because of the virus, the trip to MD Anderson was canceled and I was instructed to get it here.  Wednesday, I met with the MD Anderson oncologist by video conference, we had sent her the disc overnight, but she did not have it yet.  That afternoon I met with the oncologist here and we went over the scan.  There were some changes, there is one lymph node that she had been watching.  It seemed to have grown.

The one thing that was weird, there were some liver numbers that were weird.  So, she asked me to check with the infectious disease doctor… So, Thursday morning, we met on video.  He wondered if the numbers were messed up due to exercise.  I was planning to ride 23 miles later that day, the doctor told me to get blood redrawn on Friday.

Did not make the 23-mile ride.  Back tire blew at 13.  Could not get the pump to work, that is another story… My son had to come get me.  He got me back to the car and just as I was moving my bike from his bike rack to mine, MD Anderson called.

They had looked at the PET scan and had determined the lymph node they had been watching had grown to the point that we needed to start treatment.  The oncologists and the infectious disease doc spoke on Friday morning and I got a long message outline what was going to happen.

I got a port yesterday, an echo cardiogram today, and met with the oncologist here to get the details of the treatment late this afternoon.  Next Monday I get a bone marrow biopsy, and the week of the 11th I will start treatment.

I have a lot more to share about this, some things that the Lord has already taught me.  But our schedule has been radically changed.  I was going to Togo the first week of June, and Jenny and I were going to South Africa in July.  Not now.

One thing of note.  On Wednesday, tomorrow night.  I will be speaking at our church online (full disclosure, I recorded this at our home on Saturday).  The session starts at 6:30 PM CDT, and you can watch it either at the church website or on the church Facebook page.  I am talking about the need to personally engage in the scripture.  The outline is:

• What are the ways we can engage?
• Why it is critical for each of us to engage.
• Some ideas on how to start or keep going.

I will answer questions by text, email, or Facebook comment afterwards.  If that is of help or interest, let people know.

Covid-19

Don’t know about you, but it, has taken me a bit of time to get used to being restricted.  I normally spend a fair amount of time in my office at home.  But I am not used to spending all day indoors.  As of last night the governor of our state has strongly urged people like me, older with underlying medical issues, in my case smoldering cancer that suppresses my immune system, to stay in our houses until April 30th!  Ouch.

So, with those realities bearing down on us.  I have yet to use my time, the extra time, I have been “given” well.  I have slept past my normal 0530 or 0620 get up time.  But, I have not done well using the time.

As a result, as I reviewed the last post, I don’t remember what the next point was.  So…

It may be good to review some things all of us already know.

First, in all of this we are experiencing, God is sovereign.  Further, He is love.  God’s nature and character is not affected by what we are experiencing.  As a matter of fact, it is the certainty of His unchanging nature that allows us to navigate times like this well.

In 1 Peter 1:3 – 5 (here @ Bible Gateway), Peter gives us two anchors to navigate difficult trials.  First, we have an inheritance that is certain.  That inheritance is reserved for each of us in heaven.  Second, we have a salvation that protects us which will be revealed in the last time.  Notice that neither the inheritance nor the salvation is revealed now.  They are anchors in eternity to which we tie our hope and focus.

In Romans 5:1 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway), we are encouraged to exult in three things, the hope of the glory of God, our tribulations, and finally in God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have been reconciled to God.  Consider this carefully, and you will see the parallels to Peter’s exhortation.

James also encourages us.  In James 1:2 – 4 (here @ Bible Gateway) we are encouraged to count times like these as joy.  Because, like in Romans 5, this testing produces endurance or perseverance (it is the same Greek word in both places).  The result of perseverance or endurance is we become perfect and complete.

This is echoed in Hebrews 12:4 – 11 (here @ Bible Gateway).  We go through difficulty for the purpose of sharing in His holiness with the result that we have the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Consider these passages.  See what the Lord may have for you in this time.