Up From Low Points

On the morning of September 22, I got an email from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS).  I have watched educational programs on line with LLS and with the International Waldenstrom’s Macroglobulinemia Foundation (IWMF) to learn more about WM which is the Lymphoma I have.

My wife and I got the C19 vaccine as soon as we could, in January and February of 2021, Modera.  I got the booster in August.  The email told me that because I had been getting Rituxan as part of my chemo since May of 2020 that the vaccines would have zero effect on me.  The Rituxan kept my immune system from creating antibodies.  That was the first time I was really down about having the cancer.  It was frustrating.  I knew my immune system was trashed, that was one of the “benefits” of the cancer and the chemo.  But, we were told to get the vaccinations if perhaps they would give some protection.  Now, I had news that it didn’t.  

Another “benefit” of both WM and the treatment was fatigue.  My capacity was greatly diminished.  The Wednesday morning I got the email I had gone to bed about 11:30 Tuesday night and had overslept and woke up at 11:37 that morning.  In my journal I noted that I had only had 4 meetings Tuesday, 5 counting a doctor’s appointment.  Two were zoom, two Bible studies back-to-back, a face-to-face meeting with one of the pastors at our church, and a coffee with one of the small group leaders I serve.  That little bit of effort wiped me out.  

I had been asking for prayer from anyone who asked based on 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 that I would be well content and that His power would be perfected in my weakness.  So far…  I began to catalog all that I had lost, grieving, if you will:

• Strength
• Capacity
• Ability to work out
• Being around people
• Travel to help pastors in:
• Togo
• Morocco
• Cameron 
• Ethiopia 
• There was more…

Then I turned to the Word. Psalm 73:25 – 28 (here @ BibleGateway) was on my reading list for the day.  As He has time and time again He brought what I needed before my eyes just when I needed it.  You can read what I read.  What I wrote in my journal was, 

“The thing here is that as my flesh and strength fail, as they are, God is the, literal, rock of my heart.  The LXX (the Greek OT) has ‘The God of my heart’.  The sense would be that He is all I need, the foundation.  The implications of this seem to be that it is He that keeps me going.  He is the foundation – also that prayer becomes that more important.  I can’t travel, I can’t meet, but the Spirit is engaged.”

If and when you are down.  Turn to Him and His Word.

Epilog: Eight days later both my wife and I had Covid.