You ever blow it big? The kind of error that messes you up for days? I did about three days ago. I found out about it today.
I was paying a bill and meant to pay part of it but inadvertently paid all of it. My bank account would not support that and went horribly negative. Oops.
So I spent about an hour on the phone to begin to clear it up. That is another story. It should be ok tomorrow morning.
The situation reminds me that in fact I have messed up royally in just about every area of my life. I have messed up so bad that it is not fixable. Relationships are destroyed. Bridges are burned. People are hurt. All because of my choices over the years. There is nothing I can do to change that history. There is no way that I can make all of that right, no matter how long I stay on the phone. Today’s snafu was child’s play.
That mess can only be addressed through Christ. I am powerless, weak. It is a good – no epically awesome thing that 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 is true. It is grace that all of my messes are cleaned up by my Lord through His Son’s blood.
I do not deserve that.
Neither do you.
But that is what the gospel proclaims. In Him the mess is cleaned up. We are reconciled to God. We are redeemed and showered with His love.
Amazing.
So I spent about an hour on the phone to begin to clear it up. That is another story. It should be ok tomorrow morning.
The situation reminds me that in fact I have messed up royally in just about every area of my life. I have messed up so bad that it is not fixable. Relationships are destroyed. Bridges are burned. People are hurt. All because of my choices over the years. There is nothing I can do to change that history. There is no way that I can make all of that right, no matter how long I stay on the phone. Today’s snafu was child’s play.
That mess can only be addressed through Christ. I am powerless, weak. It is a good – no epically awesome thing that 2 Corinthians 12:9 – 10 is true. It is grace that all of my messes are cleaned up by my Lord through His Son’s blood.
I do not deserve that.
Neither do you.
But that is what the gospel proclaims. In Him the mess is cleaned up. We are reconciled to God. We are redeemed and showered with His love.
Amazing.
Yes, that is called grace. And I'm finally learning that grace alone can be the foundation of my life with Christ. But it's a long journey.
ReplyDeleteOne of the outcomes of my grief is a deepening realization of my sin, failures, regrets - and messes. I've had a new and ongoing look into the cesspool that is my heart.
I can't even begin to confess it all, to repent of it all. And one of the outflows of grace is that I really don't even see the tip of that horrible "iceberg." I barely see it's shadow. God protects me from the crushing despair if I saw more.
But God does graciously let me see both incidents and conditions at a measured (by Him) rate that I can confess and repent of.
Now, with my beloved wife gone, I see more clearly how I violated my vows (I've reviewed them periodically through the years, and more often in later years, and I've become increasingly convicted of how far I fell short through those years in what I promised - and how incredibly true she was to hers.
Then, when the Lord graciously took her it opened my heart in a ripping that let the infection inside start to ooze out. No amount of effort, confession, repentance on my part could possibly stop it. Or confess it all.
1 John 1:9a still stands firm: "If I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me of my sins...." But when I do, I have only scraped the outer layer. Thankfully there is more, "... AND to cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness."
I walk away from those sweet encounters with our great Savior forgiven, in full standing with my Father as a favored son, with all the privileges with it.
That's the foundational truth. My emotions are not really there yet most of the time..