I mentioned a couple of days ago that I used YouVersion to listen to the Bible while I was driving down to accompany my dad on his cancer re-stage at MD Anderson. I came back today. Did the same thing. The Tuesday AM study is going to be studying Psalms 91 – 95 next week so first I listened to those Psalms several times. I am studying 1 and 2 Timothy so I listened to 1 Timothy several times and then both books together several times. My favorite Psalm is Psalm 119 so I listened to that one several times as well. Lastly, I am studying Daniel so for the last part of the trip I listened to Daniel, and finished through chapter 8 while I was mowing the yard… It was a good thing I did.
Being in the Word for me is transforming. I do not do well when people, who should know better, do incredibly idiotic stuff.
I work part time at a store that I really like. I really like the people there. It is a good team. We do well in spite of the people who are at the corporate headquarters. They recently changed their payroll system and based on past performance, we all figured this would be a royal mess. Well, true to form, the instructions to sign up with the new system were nearly impossible to decipher. The website was user hostile. There were multiple logins that had to be created. Today I was informed that it did not work and they blamed me.
So.
The corporate people told the managers to take me off of the schedule and if I did not get the information in that I had already filled out on line in by Friday, they essentially were going to terminate me.
I did not react well to that email. I am still not reacting well to that email.
So what is a believer to do? You do what you are asked to do. You are blamed for the system not working. You are not valued as a person. You are punished for their mistakes. You are pushed out of the organization. How does a believer respond to this?
Even with seven hours of listening to the Word, I did not and am not responding well. I know the relevant passages. I know I am supposed to be under obligation to fools, Romans 1:14. I know that I am supposed to do everything I do for the sake of the gospel, 1 Corinthians 9:23, and I am pretty sure these people are not believers. I know Colossians 3:17, and 23.
I am still mad.
I will probably fill out their stupid papers.
I work part time at a store that I really like. I really like the people there. It is a good team. We do well in spite of the people who are at the corporate headquarters. They recently changed their payroll system and based on past performance, we all figured this would be a royal mess. Well, true to form, the instructions to sign up with the new system were nearly impossible to decipher. The website was user hostile. There were multiple logins that had to be created. Today I was informed that it did not work and they blamed me.
So.
The corporate people told the managers to take me off of the schedule and if I did not get the information in that I had already filled out on line in by Friday, they essentially were going to terminate me.
I did not react well to that email. I am still not reacting well to that email.
So what is a believer to do? You do what you are asked to do. You are blamed for the system not working. You are not valued as a person. You are punished for their mistakes. You are pushed out of the organization. How does a believer respond to this?
Even with seven hours of listening to the Word, I did not and am not responding well. I know the relevant passages. I know I am supposed to be under obligation to fools, Romans 1:14. I know that I am supposed to do everything I do for the sake of the gospel, 1 Corinthians 9:23, and I am pretty sure these people are not believers. I know Colossians 3:17, and 23.
I am still mad.
I will probably fill out their stupid papers.
Wouldn't it be "nice" if we had an "Emotional Dial Control" somewhere in our being; we could "dial down" the painful emotions and "Dial Up" the happy and exciting ones?
ReplyDeleteI don't know if my painful emotions are somehow a result of the fall, or if they are designed by God to work His plans into my life (or even all of the above). What I do know is, they are painful and I don't like them!
In fact, I would give almost anything to make may present pain just "go away;" it is relentless, always "there," somewhere in deep in my gut. It's not physical, but yet it is.
Many times it lays low only to erupt at crazy times, like sitting down in the aisle seat on my flight to Kansas City last week to spend Mothers' Day with our single daughter. The seat next to me was vacant, and suddenly I realized that would have been "her" seat; she should have been there. Automatically my hand went to find her's...and I wept at the pain of her permanent absence.
I'm told the pain will get less - in time. Yet it will not go away until death is swallowed up in victory. And I believe them. How could it go away? I rejoiced in 45 years of the most wonderful love and devotion it is possible for a man to experience on this earth. How could the loss of that not hurt - bad? It was at least half or me suddenly ripped away without my permission! But I won't live another 45 years, so I still got the better end of the deal.
In the meantime God teaches me about being sorrowful and yet rejoicing. About His faithfulness I have never really needed to rely on as I do now. About His love for me that gave more than can be humanly conceived through His suffering on the blood-stained cross. On fidelity to all His "great and precious promises." On the brevity of this life of woe, and the sure expectation of perfect, eternal life with no more pain, sorrow, tears, longings or fear.
Clearly, my part now is to endure - no matter what the emotion...
I just wish it didn't hurt so much now....