The Tuesday AM study is in Psalms. I am pretty good at Bible study. Prayer, not so much. This week we are studying Psalms 6 – 10, it is a complicated formula that determines the Psalms we study each week. Requires a PhD in mathematics or extended time ministering to active duty military.
I just got through prepping for tomorrow’s study. I was struck by what I saw in Psalm 6. To me David seemed whiney. I am pining away, I am dismayed – no check that, greatly dismayed. Really? That’s what you are coming to the Lord with? You are the dude that took down Goliath for Pete’s sake. Man up.
This little voice then suggested that I remember that David was a man after God’s own heart, 1 Samuel 13:14. Oh.
Then as I began to think through the Psalm, it began to sink in. That is what I do. That is the whole backstory to Romans 8:26. I am often pining and dismayed, just don’t want to admit it. That is what I need to bring to the Lord. Not like He doesn’t know.
It is on that basis, that weakness that I come to Him for not just strength, but life.
I have a lot to learn from David.
This little voice then suggested that I remember that David was a man after God’s own heart, 1 Samuel 13:14. Oh.
Then as I began to think through the Psalm, it began to sink in. That is what I do. That is the whole backstory to Romans 8:26. I am often pining and dismayed, just don’t want to admit it. That is what I need to bring to the Lord. Not like He doesn’t know.
It is on that basis, that weakness that I come to Him for not just strength, but life.
I have a lot to learn from David.
I was unhappy with God the other night. No, not at all - I was flat angry. I was throwing a tantrum.
ReplyDeleteIt had been an emotionally draining evening to begin with. When I arrived at an appointment with good friends from out of town I found a raucous party which even they didn't know about. I wasn't in a rejoicing mood and I wanted time with them and go home to bed.
As I got out of the car I had the sinking feeling I didn't have something I should have. But I concluded it must be at home. So I made the best of the evening although it was wearing.
When I got home - you probably guessed it - no sign of it. I looked "everywhere" I could remember since I last had it. Several times. I calmly asked God to show me where it was. I reminded Him what a hassle it would be it if it was lost. Time. Effort. Maybe money, lots of money.
Being relatively calm and asking nicely wasn't "working." It all went from there. Let me just say I was honest with God. Brutally honest.
This went on for a considerable time until I just collapsed into bed and slept a few hours. But when I awoke in the wee hours I was still angry that God didn't come through for me. I got up, got a flashlight and looked everywhere all over again, even out the car although I "knew" it wasn't there; after all I'd already looked. Several times.
Then came that little, still prompting, "Look up on the dashboard down next to the windshield." Need I mention that's where it was?
Of course I knew all along that I was wrong. I knew God was't what I was feeling and charging Him with. I knew that I should have responded differently, had a "better" attitude. And so on. But I didn't know what to do with it all other than tell God how I felt. I knew I was forgiven and could get it all out for His forgiveness, a sort of 1 John 1:9 sort of process of confessing, acknowledging and repenting.
A broken heart seems to let "stuff" spill out. I feel that God is scraping spiritual infection out of my life, or at least letting me see it like I've never seen it before. It's frightening, and would be crushing except for His forgiveness which is assured. It is, I believe, deepening my love for Him and my longing for His cleansing and deliverance from my wicked heart.
It makes me long desperately to see Him face to face.....