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Saturday, January 31, 2015

Doubt

For the past eight years Entrusting Truth has been a faith based ministry.  That is we depend on donations to survive – Side note: this is the second time my wife and I have lived this way, when we were first married we were on staff with a Christian organization for over 9 years, we said we would never do that again.  Two lessons: first, never say never when dealing with God.  Second, He has a sense of humor…
Doubt
Last year, in terms of donations, was a really good year.  We had more donated to the ministry than we have had since we started, frankly I think we had more donated than we ever did in the previous ministry.  Some of the donations were to support overseas projects.  We started the year with a little left over and some of the pressure was off.  But…

One of the men I worked with shortly after seminary told me once that one of my challenges is that I am a good planner, project manager.  I think way ahead.  As I was looking at the year to come I began to wonder if we were going to have financial challenges.  Like many others making all of the ends line up each month is a continual battle.

I was at the local coffee shop with my journal pouring coffee down my throat and my heart out to God over my concern, doubt.  Never mind that He has never allowed us to go hungry or without shelter.  O me of little faith was worried.  I have all the appropriate verses memorized about faith and His provision but at the moment they were not kicking in.

Have you ever read George Muller’s autobiography?  You should.  This one built orphanages all over the UK asking only God for support.  The stories of God’s provision for Muller are astounding.  Read it, you will like it.  I shared that because he was always getting up off his knees and the answer to his needs would be at the door.

So I finished pouring coffee and my heart at Starbucks and drove home.  The mail had come.  There was a substantial check in the mail for the ministry.  Muller moment.

I was grateful, thankful, humbled, and ashamed.  Ashamed that I did not trust Him who has been so good to us over the years more completely.  Then I began to think about what happened.  The check was mailed long before I went to Starbucks.  The prompting of the Lord in the hearts of those who wrote the check happened before the check was put in the mail.  The Lord had moved to answer my need, to assuage my doubt, long before I brought it to Him.

He is good.  Really good.

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