Needy

I am needy.  I don’t like that.  But the reality is I am needy.  I prefer independence.  I am a choleric, type A, driver – driver, risk taking, throttles to the wall, hard charging, workaholic – you get the picture…  I do not like to admit that I need help.  One of my past associates kind of jokingly called me omni-competent, not sure he meant that as a complement.

But I cannot do what God has called me to do by myself.  In the first place I do not have the financial resources to do so.  He does.  But in most cases they are in the possession of other believers.  Which puts me in the position of having to ask them for help.  I feel awkward, uncomfortable, at some level a little ashamed.  It is humbling to be in a position that forces me to ask others for help.

But I need help.  I have learned through hard lessons that I desperately need the prayer support of other believers.  I know that by engaging others financially in what I do, it increases their ministry and it increases their prayer for the project.  But it is still hard for me.  It is that stubborn independent streak that I continually fight.

When I read the Bible it is clear that we have to support each other.  It is clear that we are to give to support missions, teachers, and churches.  I am really ok with that part.  It is the asking to support the mission project I have been assigned that is tough for me.

To be obedient though, I must ask.  Doesn’t mean I like it.