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Wednesday, June 4, 2014

A Question to Ask Your Kids

I had lunch today with a gifted man.  It was a pleasure at multiple levels.  We shared what we were learning of our Lord through His Word.  We shared the challenges of being fathers of ever changing families in an ever changing world.  In the midst of the conversation he shared a question that he asked his six children at dinner last week.
I dare you to ask this question of your kids...  Thoughts at DTTB.
First the fact that they eat together is remarkable.  We did that.  But from the number of our kid’s friends who commented on the uniqueness we seemed to be in the minority.  It is not easy to do with the schedules we tend to construct for our families.  It is worth the effort – but back to the question.

At some point in the meal my friend asked his kids, “What do you think are the four or five most important things to daddy?”  Whoa, talk about exposure.  His oldest is 12 and his youngest 2.  Significant filters have not been constructed in their thinking.  He opened himself up for some… well I will let him relate what happened.

He told me that the in the next few days he came back to his kids and apologized for misleading them as to what was important by his life choices.  Being the best, working hard, fixing the house, doing a job right were good things but not the most important.  He told them that there would be some changes in his behavior toward them.  That he would begin to be more intentional about modeling for them what was truly important.

We talked briefly then about how he was going to introduce consistent time in the Word into their experience.

He took a great risk in asking that question.  It took integrity to listen, process what his kids said, and then commit to make changes to better communicate to them what he really values.

You may want to follow his lead.


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  2. We do work on having meals together with our four (12, 7, 5, >1 y.o.) kids. We do ask them questions to help them think through and focus on things that are important. But what this man did is remarkable and an example worthy to follow. To humble myself and ask kids what they see my life communicates is important to me.
    I will certainly ask, will listen and evaluate, will most likey apologize and will certainly adjust.

    1. I just shared with him your response. Like you I needed to hear that question. We all need each other. We need each other's gifts, experiences, and encouragement.

      Let me know how your kids respond.