This is kind of embarrassing. I have written about this before. But I still do not really understand. Psalm 84:5 tells me I am blessed if my strength is in the Lord. OK. How?
2 Corinthians 12:9 tells me that Christ’s strength is perfected in my weakness. I get that I am weak. No question about that. But when does the strength kick in?
Isaiah 40:31, tells me I will not grow weary if I wait… I am weary a lot. So, not waiting?
I think – no I am pretty sure that I am missing something. I can see God work through what He has assigned me to do. Power? It does not feel like power.
I am asking the Lord to please clear this up. To help me understand. I am open to suggestions here.
Isaiah 40:31, tells me I will not grow weary if I wait… I am weary a lot. So, not waiting?
I think – no I am pretty sure that I am missing something. I can see God work through what He has assigned me to do. Power? It does not feel like power.
I am asking the Lord to please clear this up. To help me understand. I am open to suggestions here.
Hey Mike.. Andy Still here.. I think it would be arrogant and unjust for me to foist my own understanding on you as though it were definitive truth, to try to convince you of what I think this means, but I think it would be ungodly, even cruel, to not share the hope and faith and joy that I find in these scriptures back with you, when you spend so much of your time sharing it with others.
ReplyDeleteFor now, may I say - I don't always feel this way. Many days, the strength of the Lord does not FEEL like enough. Many days, I do not feel powerful. Most days, to be honest. But, I think, in my walk with God through these same issues, that He has brought me to one thing: intimacy with Himself. When I am weak, He is able to rescue me, come through for me, even romance me. When I wait for Him, He is able to come near to me, and I am able to hear Him again, to see His face, experience His touch, bathe in His beauty and rest in His arms, thus, my weariness is filled up and washed away.
I think that so often, we have God's word & calling for us elevated to the point that we miss His heart for us. Therefore, sometimes God will allow us to be 'thwarted', even in the midst of our calling and gifting, to enable us to remember that we need intimacy with Him more than effort or productivity for Him. In fact, productivity in the absence of intimacy is what He warns all of us to avoid as a fatal mistake.
You serve out of a good and noble heart. You were called and gifted to bring truth from God's word into men's hearts, lives, and families. You know His heart for you, and that He has not abandoned you. So, allow me to ask the hurtful question of a true friend - when was the last time you basked in His presence? Do you need to be intimate with the lover of your soul? Will you take a moment out of your (wonderful, strong, and valiant) push to serve Him, in order to be close to His heart for you.
At risk of being too long-winded (oops, too late), I'll share one last story from my experience, as one on the same journey, though I'm behind you a ways in my understanding, I'm sure:
ReplyDeleteI heard a word from the Lord. Strongly. Many confirmations from many sources, and totally aligned with His written word. So I followed Him.
He led me to a land that I knew not, where He asked me to build a place for people to come and heal, which I saw clearly as a resort for ministers ;)/.
So I sold EVERYTHING that I owned, moved my family, and we began searching for the land on which to build this resort... (mind you, God never said resort, per se).
For three months, I searched high and low, prayed fervently, spent LONG days searching both the land and God's word for more direction. Met with pastors and churches all over the land, asking for and seeking God's direction, but came up with nothing. Now, for someone accustomed to hearing God's voice, to NOT hear His voice is very troubling. I began to ask, have I sinned against You? Was this not Your direction? But heard NOTHING... even reading the Word became dry and tasteless.
Three months. No voice of God.. nothing from my reading impacting or hitting me. Nothing from without or within. Just silence.. Save one phrase.
"Come, and be with Me."
Over, and over, and over again, He said, "Come and be with Me." and I replied, "Yes, Lord, of course, here I am! Am I not with You in this? Where would you have me go, what would You have me do? What am I missing?".. but all I heard from any source was, "Come and be with Me."
Finally, one day, I realized that He was truly interested in JUST me. Not my questions, not my obedience (in the absence of intimacy), not even my understanding. Just me. And so I went. I grabbed a chair, a pipe, and a water bottle, and found a beautiful little spot on the beach. A tourist trap, for sure, but, there I sat down, and thanked Him for the beauty. Thanked Him for the time. Even thanked Him for my pipe.
And as I sat there, watching waves rush in against the rocks and sandy beaches, I experienced His presence in a way that I had overlooked until then. As though He sat down next to me, put His arm around me, and squeezed me with His delight in BEING with me.
ReplyDeleteHe wanted ME first and foremost. My obedience to His mission, calling, and gifting were very important to Him (Matt 7, etc), but NOT in the absence of intimacy with Him. And so I sat with God, His arm around me, smoking my pipe and watching the waves for a good long while.
And as I sat there, an amazing, even supernatural thing began to happen. He opened my eyes without a word or a move. Suddenly, every person that walked by me was spiritually unveiled. I could see each and every one of them as they truly were, in that moment. A few were radiant, but, oh so few. Most everyone had a large wounded hole in them where their core being should have been. I could see the wounds worn like vivid paintings. I could see the iniquity running down like poison from others. I could see the soul within each person's eyes, as if I had the eyes of God, and then it dawned on me, that this was Him imparting His vision on me for a moment, to enable me to see people as He does. My heart was full of longing for them all to be healed. So much painful yearning to see them scooped up into love and restoration. But they were totally blind to me (us) and to His desire. I asked Him, God, I know You brought me here to BE with You, and I want that, but what about them? And then He said, "Now, like you are here with Me, bring Me to the people."
A course correction? Maybe. A refilling? Definitely. Finding strength by waiting on Him, yes. But, again, for my walk, it was most important that I get alone with Him, not asking for anything but His presence, in order to understand and receive His desire for me. I will be obedient, in intimacy, to walk with Him wherever He may lead me, and to turn my step to be in step with Him, and to stop when He stops and go when He goes, knowing all the while, that He loves me desperately, and has no intention of putting His mission in front of our relationship. They go hand in hand.
I hope that this encourages you brother, and that nowhere in it can the enemy insert any judgment, criticism, or anything else that just isn't in my heart for you. May you be encouraged to take a break from the work of God to be WITH Him and have Him wash away some weariness.
Andy,
DeleteThank you. I am honored and humbled that you would expend this much effort in encouragement.
To say that I agree with you would be an epic understatement. With Him is what I seek every day. Some days are better than others. It is best when I can get away like you did. But for me it is not the beach, it is the wilderness. It has been too long.
Thanks for the push.