Journey Through Incredible Pain

For the past six years I have written here most days.  This month has been the exception.  There are a number of reasons for that.  I have been traveling.  Members of my family and I are struggling with various forms of cancer as well as other significant health issues.  One such situation has consumed most of my emotional and spiritual reserves in the past few days.  Another has also been challenging requiring some of the travel.  Frankly, I just haven’t felt like writing.

Yesterday, I spent most of the afternoon in prayer about one of these cases.  There are two lives at stake.  Multiple difficult issues – such that when I have shared the details with close friends it renders them speechless.

I am not all that good at prayer.  Especially, protracted prayer.  However, I was impressed that I needed to try.  It was hard work.  Really hard work.

This morning was the Monday study, we were in 1 Samuel 3.  I shared what was happening with the men there with the same result, speechless.

I got home and started my time with the Lord.  I had passages I was supposed to read, but it was if the Lord was not through with me from yesterday afternoon.  Matthew 5:6 and Psalm 42:1 came to mind.  As I prayed and processed those passages several things came to mind.

The question was when have I invested that much time and emotion in just seeking His righteousness?  When have I hungered for Him as I hungered for this healing?  When have I wept over my sin as I have wept over this cancer?  I want what His sovereign power can provide, am I satisfied with Him?

Tomorrow morning five of us are looking at 1 Samuel 3 & 4.  This afternoon I was finishing up my prep for that study.  I observed that Israel did the same thing.  They used the ark as a talisman in battle.  They wanted victory over their enemy, not so much did they want Him.  They did not even bother to ask.  They just brought the ark into battle.  The Philistines response to them in 1 Samuel 4:7 – 8 was the appropriate response.  They recognized the latent idolatry of Israel’s action.  They were afraid of the mighty gods.

I am cut to the quick by this.  He is enough, but I find myself longing for more… hopeless.

Good Question

A friend of mine asked me a question a couple of weeks ago.  He has asked me that question before, but it is a good one and beard repeating.

As we were ending our conversation he asked me, "What is the Lord teaching you know that you thought you already knew?"

I have an answer.

In August I was in the middle of a project in another country.  I was meeting with people in underground churches.  We were going through several topics.  The first day the conversation was lively.  I did not understand it because it was in a language that I do not speak.  I was working through a translator.  I would ask a question and the room would erupt with them talking back and forth.  

The next day tough, they were not reacting the same way.

My primary gift is exhortation.  Feedback is my life blood.  The second day, I wasn't getting any.  I was working though this in my journal and trying to figure out what was going on.  The Lord essentially asked me why I needed the feedback.  The clear message was, "Obey me."  It is more important for me to do what He had led me to do than get the response that I thought I needed.

For the past few weeks I have been in conversations with a Christian organization that indicated they wanted my help with part of their ministry.  It is a part that I have been equipped to deal with for the past 40 years.  The process was proceeding rapidly and a few days ago just stopped.  

Same reaction.  I was working through that in my journal and asking the Lord to bring a resolution to the process.  "Why?" He asked.  As I thought through that I realized that I wanted them to follow through with engaging me to help them to validate me as useful.  

He reminded me that He was all of the validation that I need.

I thought I knew that already.  Still learning.

The Lord Loved

We read in Acts13:22 and 1 Samuel 13:14 that David was a man after God’s own heart.  We have already seen that he was a man of prayer.  But he was far from perfect.

Read the Psalms that David wrote (David is specifically noted as the author of Psalms 3 to 9, 11 to 32, 34 to 41, 68 to 70, 51 to 65, 101, 86, 103, 108 to 110, 124, 122, 133, 131 and 138 to 145.  He is also credited with Psalms for which he is not specifically noted as the author, chief among these is Psalm 119).  You will note that in many cases David seems angry with God and tells Him so.  But then halfway through the psalm David begins to praise God.  There is a lesson there.

But David was a man.  He took more wives than he should have.  He murdered Uriah to cover up his adulterous affair with Bathsheba.  You may have done some stuff of which you are ashamed but I would bet David has you beat in the sin department.  The result of the affair with Bathsheba was a son whom the Lord took.

But then we read one of the more amazing passages in the Word of God, 2 Samuel 12:21.  David and Bathsheba have another son, and the Lord loved him.  Think of all of the mess that David made.  Based on what Christ said in Matthew 5:31 – 32, this is technically still an adulterous relationship, but God loved the son that was born out of this sin.  So much that He had Nathan tell David to name the boy, Jedidiah, beloved of the Lord.

David, the man who is described as one after the heart of God, a flawed human.  God, one who loves those who are flawed.  This is a great story in which we get to participate.