Sorry for Your Loss

As I mentioned yesterday I cannot count the number of times people have said that to us in the past month.  It is a good thing to say, appropriate, nothing wrong with those words, or the thoughts behind them.

Dad with 4 of his 7 greatgrandchildren

However, at a significant level this was not a loss for us.

Mom fell at home 10  years ago and was home with the Lord six hours later.  Dad watched her fall.  For the past 10 years he would break into tears at “odd” times.  At 0538 on January 21st, his tears became those of joy.

Mom and dad experienced five miscarriages between me and my brother.  There were five children that dad never knew.  Mom has been with them for the past 10 years.  At 0538 on January 21st, dad met those five people for the first time.

During the first of August my oldest son and his wife experienced a miscarriage.  Mom has been with that greatgrandchild for the past seven months.  At 0538 on January 21st, dad met his greatgrandchild.

Also his sister, her son, his mom, his dad, his mother in law, and many more of whom I am not aware.

James 4:13 – 14, reminds us that this life is a vapor, it vanishes after a little while.  Psalm 78:39, describes our life as a wind that passes and does not return.  Job 7:7, 16, describes this as a breath.

Dad missed being with mom, those kids, and his greatgrandchild for part of a breath.  He will spend eternity with them in the presence of Jesus.  How is that a loss?  For him an immeasurable gain.

For us, sure.

But for me to focus on loss in light of all that dad is experiencing now seems epically selfish.  Rather, at a significant level, I am jealous.

I have struggled with Philippians 1:21.  I am beginning to understand more and more Paul’s heart.

So while it is still a good thing to say.  It does not capture the full reality of the situation for one who has accepted Christ’s gift of eternal life.  I am going to be apart from dad for part of a breath.  We will spend eternity together with all of the above members of our family and countless brothers and sisters in Christ.  The loss is fleeting.

Death with Dignity?

Getting his first chemo treatment

Yesterday I shared that my dad passed away on the 21st of last month.  There are many who talk about death with dignity.  My dad was dignified.  More times than I can count the week after his passing he was described to us as a southern gentleman.  He was always concerned about whether he was dressed properly.  It was not an issue of pride but more a conviction that he had to continually put his best foot forward.

He was a hero especially to his unit in WWII.  For a better picture of this you can read what I said at the funeral here.

His death though was anything but dignified.  For the last several weeks of his life he was increasingly unable to care for himself.  He needed help to bathe.  He needed help to go to the bathroom.  He was an incredibly modest and proper man.  In those weeks he was helped by some really gracious people.  All of them were women.  While he never complained, I know he was embarrassed.

When I got to his room the morning of the 21st there were four medical personnel working on him.  They had the hospital bed sitting up and he was leaning to his left with his head tilted forward and his mouth open as if he was gasping for air.  He was unresponsive.  There was some black matter on the front of his gown.  It seemed that it had finally come out of his lungs.

A few minutes later he was gone.

This hero, this man who had been described as a southern gentleman, who was always concerned about making sure that his external presentation matched his commitment to excellence in all that he did, in his final moments had been exposed, had expelled matter from his lungs, and had lost control of his body.

Dignity.  No.

We were not created to physically die.  Physical death is the consequence of rebellion against God, Romans 6:23.  We were created in the image of an infinite God.  We were meant to live with Him forever.  Our choice of sin resulted in our eventual physical death.  However, our soul continues to live on.  In dad’s case, he had trusted Christ.  He had accepted that he needed Christ’s death as a substitution and payment for his sin.  So as he took his last breath, he entered into the presence of His savior.

There is dignity in that.

Not in the consequence of our sin.

Since dad has passed away many people have told us they were sorry for our loss.  I want to share some thoughts on that tomorrow.

Death

The last post was on January 16th.  That was my dad’s 94th birthday.  On Wednesday the 18th, my wife and I were driving to his home in Huntsville, Texas.  We were going to take him to M. D. Anderson for his appointment on the 19th.  He was to have blood work and a PET scan to re-stage his cancer.

We were about a third of the way through the 7 hour drive when we got a call from my brother.  He told us that we needed to take dad to M. D. Anderson as soon as we got to Huntsville, he was having trouble breathing and had pneumonia in his right lung.

When we got to my dad’s home, I was shocked to see how weak he was.  It took a major effort to get him from the kitchen table to the car.  We got to MDA at about 6 PM.  We went through the emergency room triage and finally got to a room at around midnight.  The first doctor that saw him in the ER felt that his condition was caused by a resurgence of his cancer and that he would probably not last the week and possibly that night.  She asked one of her colleagues to consult.  The second doctor felt that he was stronger and that we should be able to deal with the breathing and get him well enough to return home.  The first doctor was right.

I am not going to share the details, but shortly after dad was hospitalized, so was I.  I was in isolation two floors below him.  The last time I saw him conscious was in the ER before we were both assigned our rooms.

My wife stayed with dad for the entire time he was in his room.  Saturday morning at about 5:20 AM my wife came to my room and told me to get to dad’s room, he was in respiratory distress.  I had to gown up, put on gloves and a mask.  The nurse helped me and helped get me and my IV tree to dad’s room.  Five minutes later, at 5:38 AM he went home.

Since August first, our family has experienced a miscarriage, a pregnancy concurrent with an aggressive form of cancer, emergency surgery for my dad, my mother in law experiencing a massive stroke and subsequent death, my father’s final hospitalization and death, and my concurrent hospitalization with my father.

It has been an interesting six months.

There are some things I wish to share from this.  Things that the Lord has led us through.  Things that deal with life and death.

I will start that tomorrow.